Global Daily Planet

Should old aquaintance be forgot
And ne'er brought to mind
We''ll drink a cup of kindness yet
In days of auld lang zyne
For auld lang zyne, my dear
For auld lang zyne,
We''ll taste a cup of kindness yet
In days of auld lang zyne.


Happy New Year everybody!

The Vatican's Ambassador to Burundi, Archbishop Michael Courtney, 58, was shot dead by gunmen yesterday as he was returning home from a funeral. The government of Burundi has blamed rebels for the shooting and the rebels in turn have blamed the government. Courtney was one of John Paul II 's most trusted papal advisors. He was born in Nenagh, Ireland on February 5th, 1945 and was ordained a priest in 1968. He served as an advisor to the pontificate in Cuba, Egypt, India, Senegal and South Africa. From 1996 to 2000, he was the Vatican's special envoy and permanent observer at the Strasbourg-based Council of Europe. In August, 2000 he was posted to the central African country of Burundi. With both the government and the rebels blaming one another for Courtney's death, perhaps it was neither side who killed him. Since Courtney was a leading advisor to John Paul II, perhaps it was for that reason he was killed. After all, al-Qaeda failed to attack the Vatican and kill the Pope on Christmas Day due to the efforts of Italian intelligence services. Perhaps this was a "Wait Until Next Time" message delivered in Burundi.

Italian anarchists have struck again. A letter bomb has been delivered to the headquarters of Eurojust, the EU agency co-ordinating the fight against crime within the European Union. The letter bomb, which did not explode, was the fourth such device sent to a European Union figure in the past 3 days. European Commission President Romano Prodi escaped unhurt when the first letter bomb exploded at his home in the Italian city of Bologna on Sunday. Yesterday, similar devices were delivered from Bologna to the inter-European police agency, Europol as well as European Central Bank governor Jean-Claude Trichet. If this new Italian anarchist group that is anti-EU and anti-globalization belongs to the newly formed axis of evil alliance of al-Qaeda, the worldwide Muslim terrorist network, anarchists, Marxists and neo-Nazis that the Global Daily Planet mentioned in its report yesterday, these Italian anarchists are serving as little more than Osama's "useful idiots". For while Osama might desire anarchy in the western world in order to bring down Western civilization (nobody's told him that pornographers, MTV, Western world Supreme Court judges and sodomite bishops and clergy are doing an excellent job of that themselves), the state of anarchy is only temporary for Osama desires to impose a worldwide global Islamic caliphate upon the entire planet (with himself as Caliph of course!). If the Italian anarchists are indeed Osama's "useful idiots", they have joined a vast range of such undistinguished non-entities as the French, the Canadian Federal Liberal Party, most Hollywood and music industry airhead celebrities, Democratic Presidential candidate Howard Dean and left-wing liberal bozos everywhere.

Israeli intelligence officials say Palestinian terrorist groups are planning a major "non-conventional" attack on Israel on New Year's Eve. Possible targets are holy sites, nursery schools, apartment buildings and hospitals. Israeli police have been told to prepare for three possible scenarios: an air or sea-based attack or a ground assault involving several simultaneous suicide bombings.

Australia's Brisbane Courier-Mail newspaper reports that intelligence officials believe that Osama bin Laden's al-Qaeda terrorist group may try to destroy the world's largest cruise ship, the recently launched $1.3 billion Queen Mary 2 when it sets sail on its maiden voyage next year. Al-Qaeda currently owns an armada of 15 terror ships. One of them could be rigged with explosives and used to destroy the Queen Mary 2.

The Vatican's Ambassador to Burundi, Msgr. Michael Courtney, 58, of Ireland has been shot dead. The old year of 2003 is definitely going out in a blaze of violence and hatred.

This just in...the terrorist axis of evil in Latin America's Tri-Border region of Paraguay, Argentina and Brazil may be unleashing another plot! British Foreign Office officials in London have just announced that the UK Embassy in Peru is being closed for security reasons.

Today's World Net Daily reports that Muslim terrorist groups like al-Qaida are financially supporting and aligning themselves with anarchist, Marxist and neo-Nazi groups to wreak terrorist havoc against the western world. An Islamic terrorist-neo Nazi alliance is nothing new of course. Indeed back in January, 2001, neo-Nazi groups from the US, Latin America and Europe met in a summit style conference with various Muslim terrorist groups (including al-Qaeda, Jemmaah Islamiyah, and numerous Palestinian terrorist groups). The summit was held in Beirut, Lebanon and joint five-year plans of co-operation were adopted. One of the plans involved a joint Muslim jihadi-neo Nazi hit team that was walking up from the Tri-Border region of Latin America (The Tri-Border area is a Wild West style region where the borders of Paraguay, Argentina and Brazil intersect. The area has been infested with Nazi vermin since the end of the Second World War. For the past two decades, the area has been infested with the vermin of Muslim extremists settling in the region) to Mexico where they would assassinate Mexican President Vicente Fox. The assassination of Mexico's Head of State would be part of the general chaos Osama hoped to inflict on the Western world in conjunction with 9/11 and the mailing of anthrax laced envelopes. The team successfully crossed into southern Mexico in October, 2001 where the ten man hit team was eventually stopped and arrested on the road by Mexican police authorities. They are currently enjoying the hospitality and unforgettable cuisine of Mexico's Holiday Inns for Uninvited Guests (also known as Mexican jails). Now al-Qaeda is adding Marxists and anarchists along with neo-Nazis to its Axis of Evil stew. This may explain the package that Romano Prodi (President of the European Union Executive Commission) received at his Bologna, Italy home over Christmas. The package was a bomb (fortunately Mr. Prodi was not seriously hurt when he opened it. It just caused a small fire). A previously unknown anarchist group said to be opposed to the European Union and globalization claimed responsibility for the package. Is this group part of al-Qaeda's new set of allies? Strange configurations are appearing in the heavens and on the earth this fall-winter season of 2003: a Red Star, a Black Hole of anarchy, a solar Swastika and an Islamic crescent moon are merging into one.

Why would Osama bin Laden launch an attack on the Vatican on Christmas Day since Pope John Paul II was an opponent of the Iraq War? There is a growing body of evidence to suggest that the psychopathic megalomaniac Osama bin Laden believes that he Osama is the Imam Mahdi, an Islamic messianic figure who arises in the last days of history. One of the recent video clips of Osama bin Laden shows the bearded turbaned Arabian madman standing in front of a banner which says in Arabic "The Awaited Enlightened One" (the term the Hadith, an ancient collection of Islamic writings, uses to describe the Imam Mahdi). A number of detainees at Guantanamo Bay have told US interrogators that they joined al-Qaeda because they believe that Osama is the Imam Mahdi, the Muslim Messiah. Muslim jihadi terrorists who have been crossing into Iraq from Iran, Syria and Saudi Arabia when caught have also been telling their captors that they believe Osama is the fulfillment of the Islamic prophecy of the Mahdi. Since the Roman Catholic Church claims that the Pope is the Vicar of Christ, it's no wonder that Osama wanted the Vatican destroyed. After all in Osama's demented mind, he is the Messiah not Christ.

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi told the Milan newspaper Libero that Muslim terrorists planned to celebrate the Birthday of Jesus Christ on Christmas Day with a 9/11 style attack on the Vatican. "A hijacked plane into the Vatican...an attack from the sky" were Berlusconi's dramatic words. However thanks to the high intelligence of Italian intelligence operatives the attack was prevented Berlusconi noted. Maybe Silvio wouldn't mind lending some of those Italian intelligence operatives to the Bush Administration to help some of the more intellectually challenged members of the FBI and CIA.

Of course, Libyan leader Col. Moammar Gadhafi isn't the only Muslim leader that al-Qaeda terrorists are trying to knock off these days. Pakistani allies of al-Qaeda and the Taliban have been doing their best to try to bump off Pakistani President Gen. Pervez Musharaff. The second assassination attempt on Gen. Musharaff in two weeks occurred this past Christmas day. A team of jihadi suicide car bombers attacked a motorcade Gen. Musharaff was travelling in. 14 people were killed but Musharaff survived. The Global Daily Planet has learned that a member of Musharaff's inner circle probably provided the terrorists with key information. Efforts are underway to find the mole in Musharaff's inner circle.

Libyan leader Col. Moammar Gadhafi (who has at least four different spellings to his name) admitted secretly to the Blair government in London and the Bush Administration in Washington that he had provided al-Qaeda with biological and chemical weapons of mass destruction. When the Libyan leader had a sudden change of heart about his own country's Weapons of Mass Destruction program (a change of heart brought on by the Anglo-American invasion of Iraq which the cowardly French opposed), he admitted that he had provided those weapons to the Muslim jihadi terrorist group. During the past nine months of secret talks involving Libya, the US and the UK, Libyan intelligence chief Musa Kussa told US and UK spy agencies that tens of thousands of weapons had been produced at 10 secret sites in Libya and that many weapons had been given to al-Qaeda "sleeper" agents in the US and Britain. Kussa also said that al-Qaeda had stockpiled massive amounts of chemical and biological weapons in the Balkans. The Kosovo Liberation Army state of Kosovo that William Jefferson "Scumbag" Clinton helped to create back in 1999 will probably serve as a launching pad for future al-Qaeda attacks on the European continent. It was this admission by Libya that led to the heightened terror alerts in Britain and the US over the Christmas holiday season. It has also led to threats on Gadhafi's life by al-Qaeda terrorists.

As the Global Daily Planet predicted earlier this month, the slimy and sleezy former Attorney-General of the United States, Ramsey Clark has volunteered to defend deposed despot Saddam Hussein of Iraq.

As the death toll from southeastern Iran's earthquake starts to soar towards 40,000 dead, the Nazi Muslim mullahs who govern Iran continue to show the world what total scumbags they are by announcing that they will accept aid and humanitarian assistance from every nation except Israel. A piece of Persian camel dung who serves as spokesgarbage for Iran's Interior Ministry said, "The Islamic Republic of Iran accepts all kinds of humanitarian aid from all countries and international organizations with the exception of the Zionist regime." No doubt Iran's constipated and dour Islamic theocrats are still angry over the fact that when Israeli Defense Minister Shaul Mofaz appeared on Radio Israel's Parsi language radio station earlier this month, the Iranian-born Israeli Defense Minister received numerous phone calls from Iranian citizens asking when Israel was going to bomb the mullahs' nuclear reactor and liberate the country from the ayatollac tyrrany. Mr. Mofaz said possibly in the near future which sent the country's mullahs and military leaders into a paroxysm of verbal diarrhea. If it turns out that these "axis of evil" Iranian mullahs ever find themselves enjoying a US government paid vacation down at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba, what should they be fed? To paraphrase Marie Antoinette, "Let them eat pork."

London's Sunday Mail newspaper reported today that Saudi Arabia arrested two Islamic suicide pilots who were preparing to fly two light aircraft into a packed British Airways jet. The suspected two suicide pilots were arrested a few weeks ago after they were caught red-handed with aircraft loaded with explosives near Saudi Arabia's main international airport in the capital of Riyadh. The plot is similar to what souces believe happened in the mysterious downing of TWA Flight 800 over the eastern seaboard coast of the US back in 1996. A smaller plane packed with explosives headed towards the passenger jetliner and US Navy missiles from the ground or water were sent up to blow the smaller plane out of the sky. However the missile did not hit the smaller plane fast enough and both planes were blown up. The incident was covered up by the corrupt administration of William Jefferson "Scumbag" Clinton who wanted the American people to feel good about the so-called "economic good times" of policy wonk Bill and not be aware that Islamic terrorists were fighting a war against America. The corrupt Clinton Administration was so good at the cover-up that the American people did not become aware that Islamic terrorists were fighting a war against America until September 11th, 2001 when the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center and a wing of the Pentagon were very publicly destroyed. It was difficult to cover up such a public display of terrorism. The Sunday Mail also reports that the Saudi authorities tried to cover up the incident near King Khalid International Airport and withheld information from authorities abroad. This should give the Bush Administration some idea what kind of so-called allies the scumbag House of Saud are but it probably won't.

Officials have put the number of people killed from this last Friday's earthquake in the ancient Silk Road city of Bam in southeastern Iran at more than 20,000.

Heaven and earth, Heaven and earth,
Today are rejoicing;
Angels and people, Angels and people,
Joyfully are feasting.

In Bethlehem, In Bethlehem,
Good News is proclaimed for all:
The Most Pure Virgin, the Most Pure Virgin
Bore a Son, Most Beautiful.

Let us His people, Let us His people,
Come to worship our God:
"Glory in the highest", "Glory in the highest",
Now becomes our song.

Christ has been born, God is incarnate
Angels are singing, Kings greeting bringing,
Worship are giving, shepherds celebrating,
Wonders, wonders are unfolding.


-English translation of an ancient Russian Christmas carol.

Good King Wenceslas looked out
On the Feast of Stephen,
When the snow lay round about,
Deep, and crisp, and even:
Brightly shone the moon that night,
Though the frost was cruel,
When a poor man came in sight,
Gathering winter fuel.

'Hither, page, and stand by me,
If thou know'st it, telling
Yonder peasant, who is he?
Where and what his dwelling?'
'Sire, he lives a good league hence,
Underneath the mountain,
Right against the forest fence,
By St. Agnes' fountain.'

'Bring me flesh, and bring me wine,
Bring me pine-logs hither;
Thou and I will see him dine,
When we bear them thither.'
Page and monarch forth they went,
Forth they went together,
Through the rude wind's wild lament,
And the bitter weather.

'Sire, the night is darker now,
And the wind blows stronger:
Fails my heart, I know not how,
I can go no longer.'
'Mark my footsteps, my good page,
Tread thou in them boldly;
Thou shalt find the winter's rage
Freeze thy blood less coldly.'

In his master's steps he trod,
Where the snow lay dinted,
Heat was in the very sod
Which the Saint had printed;
Therefore Christian men, be sure,
Wealth and rank possessing,
Ye who now will bless the poor,
Shall yourselves find blessing.


-"Good King Wenceslas" by Rev. John Mason Neale, 1853.

In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by Him and without Him was not anything made that was made. In Him was Life and the Life was the Light of men. And the Light shineth in darkness and the darkness comprehended it not. There was a man sent from God whose name was John. The same came for a witness to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe. He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light. That was the true Light which lighteth every man that cometh into the world. He was in the world and the world was made by Him and the world knew Him not. He came unto His own and His own received Him not. But as many as received Him, to them gave He power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on His Name, which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. And the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us (and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the Only Begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.

-Gospel of John, Chapter 1, 1-14.

And it came to pass in those days that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria). And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem (because he was of the house and lineage of David) to be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. And there was in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not, for behold I bring you tidings of great joy which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour which is Christ the Lord.

-Gospel of Luke, Chapter 2, 1-11.

Philippine movie icon Fernando Poe, taking a cue from the books of Illuminati-backed Austrian movie actor Arnold Schwarzenegger and anti-Communist Hollywood actor Ronald Reagan, has announced he's entering politics and will be running for President of the Philippines next year. So what will be Poe's slogan as he runs against the incumbent President who's seeking re-election, "Quoth the raven, nevermore"?

While Russian billionaire oligarch Mikhail Khodorkovsky continues to languish in a Moscow jail, exiled Russian billionaire oligarch Boris Berezovsky (who's been in exile in London, England since October, 2001) says he'll start financing an Opposition to Vladimir Putin. Russia truly has become the Third Rome (which it has always claimed to be since the fall of Constantinople in 1453) since in the First Rome (and in the Second Rome of Byzantium for that matter), it was best to be in opposition to the living Emperor while in exile.

Russian billionaire oligarch Mikhail Khodorkovsky was denied bail by a Moscow court today. He won't be able to apply for bail again for another three months, quite conveniently (for Vladimir Putin) until after the next Russian Presidential election in March. It was believed Khodorkovsky would have liked to run against Putin for President. Now with Khodorkovsky in jail for the next three months, it appears that no one will run against Putin. The Communists and the pro-liberal western capitalist parties have already announced they won't be running Presidential candidates. Note to President Putin from the Global Daily Planet: Well Vladimir, if you're going to act like a Czar, at least be honest about it and fully drop the charade of democracy. (For all you genealogy buffs out there, if you study Vladimir Putin's genealogy, he is a direct descendant of some of Russia's pre-Romanov Czars so in effect one of Russia's old Imperial families has returned to power in the Kremlin). Crown yourself Czar and don't pretend to be a democratically elected Head of State.

Christmas is alive and well and going strong in India, a predominantly Hindu country. Millions of Indians are going through shopping malls buying gifts and candles in preparation for the Festival while the streets of downtown New Delhi are alive with the sound of music in the form of traditional Christmas carols. Quite a contrast with the nominally Christian country of Canada which has been governed for the past 10 years by the senile retarded Antichrist atheist Jean Cretin with power recently being handed over to the Teilhardian New Age Matthew Fox style Catholic globalist Paul Martin. There store employees are forbidden to use the term "Merry Christmas" in greeting their customers and must say Happy Holidays. A Christmas Tree in front of Toronto City Hall in Canada's largest city was going to be called a Holiday Tree until some Jews called Toronto City Council a bunch of "silly asses" (which they are!) and the name was changed back. Likewise various levels of government across the country are talking about a "Winter Festival" rather than Christmas. Most Canadians from culturally Christian backgrounds have (like their cousins in Western Europe) apostasized from the Christian Faith long ago and don't seem to care. It's been left to Sikh and Muslim members of the Canadian Parliament to defend the practise of Christmas and blast governments at all levels for their anti-Christian bigotry and Grinch-like attitude towards Christmas.

A strong 6.5 earthquake has shaken coastal cities of central and southern California in the United States. No word yet on any damage caused.

Egyptian Foreign Minister Ahmed Maher was rushed to an Israeli hospital after being attacked by Palestinians at Jerusalem's al-Aqsa Mosque on the Temple Mount. Mr. Maher had been in Israel for talks with Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon and Israeli Foreign Minister Silvan Shalom. After the talks, he requested to be taken to the al-Aqsa mosque to pray. While praying, he was attacked by a hate-filled group of angry vitriolic Palestinians. Mr. Maher was rescued by his bodyguards and was taken to an Israeli hospital for treatment. He was later released from hospital and immediately flew back to Cairo. This should show the world what sort of people the Palestinians are. The Palestinian people of Yasser Arafat's Palestine aren't any more interested in peace than were the German people of Adolf Hilter's Germany interested in peace (as long as they were winning the war). They hate peace so much that they are even willing to desecrate a place of worship of the god they supposedly worship, Allah, in order to attack a fellow Arab who was praying just because that Arab had the nerve to even talk peace.

US Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge today raised the terror alert level to orange, the second highest alert level. Ridge said the possibility of an al-Qaeda terrorist attack on America this Christmas holiday season was at its highest since 9/11. The Homeland Security Secretary added the attack could still involve aircraft and possibly cargo planes. Earlier this fall, there was a story that appeared in an English language on-line edition of a Bolivian newspaper but appeared no where else in the world to this webcaster's knowledge. The story was that Bolivian security forces acting on a tip from French Intelligence (of all people!) raided an apartment in La Pas, Bolivia where a group of Middle Eastern men were staying. The security men found guns, knives, explosives and airline tickets for a flight from Santa Cruz, Bolivia to Buenos Aires, Argentina. According to the French Intelligence tip, al-Qaeda operatives were planning to hijack a plane that was going from Santa Cruz to Buenos Aires and then fly the plane northward to the continental United States where it would be used to attack a target. Despite what they found, the Bolivian security services said they didn't have any evidence to hold the men and they let them go (presumably the potential jihadi hijackers can try again some other day!). It appears that Bolivian security forces must be receiving training from the best and brightest (ahem!) of Canada's RCMP (appointed during the rule of long-reigning senile retarded Prime Minister Jean Cretin) on what constitutes evidence in a counter-terrorism operation.

The Singapore edition of Yahoo News reports that US President George W. Bush told an Israeli journalist at a Christmas cocktail party in Washington Thursday night that "We must get rid of Yasser Arafat". So off the record, Bush realizes that it's Yasser Arafat who's the major obstacle to peace in the Middle East.

Likewise Iran's Nazi Islamic mullahs (who are busy building nuclear bombs of their own!) have called on Israel to follow Libya's lead. An Israeli Foreign Ministry spokesman in Jerusalem has said that "Israel's position is very clear. Once there is genuine peace and security in the region, the Middle East should be a nuclear free zone." There won't be any genuine peace and security in the region any time soon given that Hamas, Islamic Jihad, the al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade and 10 other Palestinian terrorist organizations have categorically refused to give up terrorist attacks on Israelis and Jews. Palestinian Authority President Yasser Arafat has already told his followers that according to his plans, the State of Israel shall cease to exist by the year 2007. The Lebanese terrorist group Hezbollah in southern Lebanon has 10,000 missiles aimed against Israel. Syrian President Bashar Assad (whose own late father Hafez Assad was every bit the genocidal butcher that Saddam Hussein was) refuses to give up his Weapons of Mass Destruction program (let alone acknowledge it!). Ditto for Egypt and its hypocritical leader Hosni Mubarak! As for the Islamic Nazi Mullahs of Iran, they may have to use the nuclear bombs they're building on their own oppressed and restless people in order to maintain power. The scumbag House of Saud (who enjoy such close business and financial ties with both the Bush and Cheney families thus putting severe blinders on US foreign policy) have really been in the market for atomic weapons this fall! So far, they've put together two secret deals. They're giving Pakistan free oil in exchange for atomic bombs. And Crown Prince Abdullah on his last visit to Moscow met with Russian President Vladimir Putin where the leader of the cash-strapped Russian nation agreed to sell nuclear warheads to Saudi Arabia in exchange for cold hard cash! No, unless Israel is feeling particularly suicidal at the moment, now would not be a good time to give up its nuclear weapons.

Now that Libya has announced that it is giving up its Weapons of Mass Destruction, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak (who has a secret Weapons of Mass Destruction program of his own getting Weapons of Mass Destruction from both Communist China and North Korea) has dramatically called... on Israel to give up its Weapons of Mass Destruction (Yeah what a shining tower of courage you are oh godless Pharaoh of the Nile! Hosni, thy name isn't Anwar! It is hypocrate!).

Pope John Paul II has announced that he will beatify the last Emperor of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, Charles I. Charles started life as a minor Austrian Duke and only became heir to the throne when his uncle, Archduke Franz Ferdinand was assassinated in Sarajevo in 1914--an event that triggered World War I. He became Emperor in 1916 when his great uncle, the Emperor Franz Josef died. Charles tried to negotiate a peaceful end to the War but his much more powerful ally, Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany would have none of it. Charles I is best known for a prophetic letter he once wrote to Kaiser Bill. The Austrian Emperor received a letter from the pompous arrogant Kaiser Bill who advised Charles that he was shipping the notorious Russian Bolshevik Lenin through Germany and then across to Finland and then to Saint Petersburg in an effort to overthrow the Czar and thus take Russia out of the War against Germany and Austria. Charles wrote a hasty note back to Wilhelm, "I beg you to have nothing to do with that evil man. If you send Lenin back to Russia, the Bolsheviks shall not only take control of Russia but most of Central and Eastern Europe as well including your own native kingdom of Prussia." The letter was deadly accurate. After the Second World War, Stalin (Lenin's successor) swallowed most of Central and Eastern Europe and all of Eastern Germany (which included the Kaiser's native kingdom of Prussia). The Austro-Hungarian Empire disintegrated at the end of World War I and Charles went into exile on the Portuguese island of Madeira in the Atlantic where he died in 1922 at the age of 34. His widow, the Empress Zita lived until 1989. She died months before Central and Eastern Europe became free of the Bolshevik tyranny that her husband foresaw should the Kaiser send Lenin back to Russia. Charles I was once described as "one of the few genuine Christians the House of Habsburg ever produced."

Col. Qaddafi's sudden revelation to give up his own Weapons of Mass Destruction (the Libyan leader had this vision to give up WMDs while watching US and British bombs fall on Baghdad on television back on the evening of March 19th-20th earlier this year) is probably one of the greatest revelations to hit an individual in recent times since one Joseph Smith of upperstate New York back in the 19th Century had a revelation given to him by the ghost of a white salamander on where he could find some golden plates on a hillside. For some reason after several retellings of the story (each retelling can be found in court documents since Mr. Smith found himself in court a great deal of the time for some reason or other), the ghost of the white salamander eventually metamorphosed into an angel called Moroni. I suppose angels are much more credible than ghosts of white salamanders if you want to convince people to believe your story.

On our Global Daily Planet today, most of the world has hailed Libya for renouncing its Weapons of Mass Destruction. French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin described the deal as "a success for the entire international community". Monsieur de Villepin failed to mention that it was the War on Iraq (which the cowardly French opposed) that brought about the sudden change of heart in Col. Qaddafi and led to the dismantling of Libya's Weapons of Mass Destruction program. Apparently international experts had already been in Libya back in October and in early December checking out sites. They discovered that Libya had not yet acquired a nuclear weapons capability but was close to developing one, the country had significant quantities of chemical agent and bombs designed to be filled with chemical agent, there were research centres capable of supporting biological weapons research, and facilities existed where missile development work had been conducted. This morning's announcement of these experts' finds showed what a total incompent airhead some guy with an Italian sounding last name was on a TV newscast last night. The airhead with the Italian sounding name was some self-proclaimed "expert" from one of these Peace Think Tanks or Peace Research Institutes or Peace Foundations or some organization like that (various branches of the Church of Neville Chamberlain of Latter-Day Bozos). Anyhow, last night this airhead was saying that Libya's announcement was only a symbolic gesture, that Libya had no real Weapons of Mass Destruction program per se. Well given this morning's announcement on what the international weapons experts have found in Libya so far, the Global Daily Planet has a question it would like to ask the airhead with the Italian sounding last name, "How does it feel to be an idiot?"

Pope John Paul II has finally viewed Mel Gibson's film, "The Passion of Christ". The Polish-born Pontiff asked the US-born, Australian raised Tridentine Rite Catholic actor and director if he could view a private screening of the film. After viewing the film, Pope John Paul II's first comment to his good friend, Msgr. Stanislaw Dziwisz (who viewed the film with him) was, "It is as it was."

To all the left-wing liberal bozos, limp-wristed pacifist pansies, the French and Democrat Howard Dean (who is a combination of the first two of the previous three) who said the world would not be a safer place if the US and Britain invaded Iraq and overthrew Saddam Hussein, guess what? You were wrong! Libyan leader Col. Muammar Gaddafi announced today that his country did have a secret Weapons of Mass Destruction program which has been going on for years (and which Libya has denied having for years). Gaddafi also announced today that he is dismantling the program in a "transparent and verifiable" manner. He said Libya is now ready to play a role in building a world free from all forms of terrorism. International forces (including the US and the British) have been invited into Libya to oversee the dismantling of the program which could take years Gaddafi admitted. Back in March on the same day and just hours after the war in Iraq began, Tony Blair's government in London was approached by representatives of Col. Gaddafi who passed along a message from the Libyan leader saying he would like to negotiate a peaceful dismantling of Libya's Weapons of Mass Destruction program (this was the first verbal admission ever from the Libyan leader that he had such a program). The British government has been negotiating with Libya for the past nine months. British Prime Minister Tony Blair revealed Col. Qaddafi's unexpected decision earlier tonight and called it "an historic one and a courageous one and I applaud it." By phone, US President George W. Bush said Col. Gaddafi had agreed "immediately and unconditionally" that international weapons inspectors could enter Libya. Bush added, "Leaders who abandon the pursuit of biological, chemical and nuclear weapons and the means to deliver them will find an open path to better relations with the US and other nations." So to opponents of the Iraq War such as Canada's former Prime Minister the senile retarded Jean Cretin, a message from the Global Daily Planet, "Stick that in your marijuana laced pipe and smoke it."

More on Michael Jackson's conversion to Islam, is the reason that Michael is following in the Prophet Mohammed's footsteps because the Prophet Mohammed himself was likewise a pedophile? Of course, the Prophet Mohammed was more interested in little girls (Eight wasn't enough, it was too old in the Prophet's eyes) while Michael is more interested in little boys. But maybe in the big cosmic scheme of things in our approaching pothead utopia of the Age of Aquarius, the big cosmic Islamic door should swing both ways. Is the reason that Michael wanted and got his passport back temporarily so he can fly to London, England is because he hopes to be acclaimed as the Imam Mahdi while he's in London? According to previous pronouncements by New Age Tara Center Maitreya spokesman Benjamim Creme, the Imam Mahdi will make his first world appearance on the global stage in London, England. Will Prince Charles welcome Michael Jackson to England as Islam's chosen one? Back in the mid-1980s, some nutty woman in Sylvan Lake, Alberta, Canada claimed that Michael Jackson was the second earthly incarnation of the Archangel Michael (according to the heretical apostate teachings of the Jehovah's Witnesses to which both Michael and the woman once belonged, Jesus of Nazareth was the first earthly incarnation of the Archangel Michael). Perhaps Michael will now be hailed as both on his upcoming visit to London. Oh Osama, you never dreamed when those planes flew into the World Trade Center, who it was you were really fighting for? Outside the door of your cave in the wilds of Baluchistan on the Pakistan-Afghan border, can you hear the approaching sound of Michael Jackson's "Billy Jean" song lyrics, "...knocking at your door, saying, I am the One" ?

The New York Post reports that Michael Jackson converted to Islam on the eve of formal child-molestation charges being filed against him. According to this New York daily, the pop star is now a member of Louis Farrakhan's Nation of Islam. If Michael has converted to Islam, will he change his name to something more Islamic sounding? Canadian sports trivia champion Jack Morrow's suggestion of Muhammad Wacko Jacko has a nice ring to it.

Italian police and security forces are on a state of high alert after receiving highly credible intelligence information that Osama bin Laden's al-Qaeda Muslim terrorist network is planning to strike and destroy a major Christian symbol in Italy sometime between Christmas and New Year's. Over 8,000 sites including Saint Peter's Square are now being protected by Italian security forces.

To no one's surprise, Russian President Vladimir Putin announced today that he would be seeking a second term as President in next year's March Presidential election.

On our Global Daily Planet today, Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon announced that the Palestinians have one last chance to crack down on terrorism, one of the conditions of implementing the Quartet Roadmap. If they fail to do so, Sharon said, then Israel will take "certain unilateral steps". This speech is just for show. Privately Sharon knows that there's no chance of peaceful negotiation with the Palestinian Authority. At recent meetings in Cairo hosted by Egyptian Intelligence Chief and Vice-President Omar Suleimann, 13 Palestinian terrorist groups including Hamas, Islamic Jihad and the al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigade let it be known in no uncertain terms that they would not agree to a ceasefire on their terrorist attacks on Israelis in Israel and Jews living abroad. Hamas is already preparing plans for attacks on Jews in North America. A leading advisor to Yasser Arafat is telling Palestinian refugees in Lebanon that the State of Israel will cease to exist by the year 2007 and that this has been Yasser Arafat's grand strategy all along. Meanwhile most of the European Union is awash in blatant anti-Semitism and the United States of America in matters vis-a-vis the Palestinian Authority is suffering from the biggest case of denial and stupidity in the Western world since one Neville Chamberlain. The Global Daily Planet has learned that Sharon's unilateral steps will be to withdraw from all of the Gaza Strip, remove some Jewish settlements in the West Bank and then erect the security fence around 43% of the West Bank including East Jerusalem and the Jordan Valley. The rest of the land the brainless Palestinians can keep for themselves. Maybe they'll realize what total morons they were for rejecting then Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak's generous offer of 95% of the West Bank including East Jerusalem which was made at Camp David back in the summer of 2000. They had their chance to get what they wanted and they blew it! Now they must suffer the consequences. Israel would do well to ignore the hypocritical "Do as I say not as I do" Bush White House. The Bush Administration invaded and occupied Iraq without the permission of the Trotskyite Gramscian New Age Communist United Nations. Israel should annex land and build a security barrier to protect its citizens despite the protests of that sleezy slimy so-called "world body" whose bureaucracy is dominated by Communists and New Age flakes and weirdos. Israel should also ignore the protests of the Freemasonically dominated Vatican whose Cardinals are more concerned about the rights of despots like Saddam Hussein and their own child-molesting pedophile sodomite priests than they are about the victims of these despicable characters.

New Zealand director Peter Jackson's masterpiece film "The Return of The King" was released in movie theatres all over the US, Canada, the UK and Europe today. "The Return of The King" is the third film in The Lord of The Rings movie trilogy and is based on J.R.R. Tolkien's book of the same name. When asked to sum up his Lord of The Rings trilogy, Tolkien called his work "a piece of pre-Christian mythology for the coming post-Christian age".

US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has announced that the interrogation of former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein will be turned over from the US military to the US Central Intelligence Agency. Yes, the Global Daily Planet can just picture some CIA agent who's watched too many Second World War movies saying to Saddam, "Ve have vays of making you talk" and putting on a CD entitled "The Collected Speeches of Al Gore Comparing The Effects of Gamma Rays on Man-In-The-Moon Marrigolds With the Effects of CO2 Emissions On the Kyoto Protocol". Mind you if this scenario was carried out, the Global Daily Planet would be able to say, "We'll have the first revealed hidden location of one of Saddam's Weapons of Mass Destruction in a moment."

It was 100 years ago today that the Wright Brothers, Orville and Wilbur successfully flew a heavier than air machine (the world's first airplane or as it was called at the time "aeroplane") at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. At 10:35 AM, December 17th, 1903, Orville climbed onto the Flyer and made his historic 12-second flight, the first ever airplane flight. Rumour has it that the flight would have been longer if the inflight movie (made by Al Gore's great-grandfather) hadn't been so boring!

While most of the civilized world rejoices over the capture of Saddam Hussein, the uncivilized world isn't so happy. For example, one of the senior leaders of the Palestinian terrorist group Hamas, Abdel-Aziz Rantisi ranted that the United States would "pay a very high price for the mistake" of capturing Saddam Hussein. It's an open secret in the Middle East that Hamas is in the planning stages of launching attacks on the US as well as Israel in the near future. Indeed Israeli security forces have already arrested and charged a Palestinian-Canadian citizen with plotting future terrorist attacks on Jews in both the US and Canada on behalf of the Palestinian terrorist group Hamas. That this should be going on is no surprise since earlier this fall, Yasser Arafat the terrorist head of the Palestinian Authority granted permission for Hamas and Islamic Jihad to start launching terrorist attacks on North America. Most of the mainstream media ignored this pronouncement since Yasser Arafat is the cause celebre of the idiotic and anti-Semitic European Union. Bureaucrats in Brussels have urinated billions of dollars into the pockets of Yasser Arafat. Earlier this month Yasser Arafat sent one of his senior advisors, Hani al-Hassan on a speaking tour of the Palestinian villages of Lebanon to tell them not to get too worked up over the Geneva Accords (which has already sent former US President Jimmy Carter into a state of orgasm!). al-Hassan told the Palestinians that the Intifada of the past three years and supposed peace deals like Geneva are only part of Arafat's grand strategy. The State of Israel shall cease to exist by the year 2007 Hassan told them and "you will fill Palestine". Meanwhile the European Union and the Bush White House continue to tell Israel to negotiate with the Palestinian Authority.

More questions...will Saddam admit that he had Weapons of Mass Destruction? And if so, will he reveal where he hid them? And once they're found, will the US and British take one of those WMDs and shove it up French President Jacques Chirac's a-- to serve as confirmation? (while new Canadian Liberal Party Parliamentary Secretary Scott Brison of Nova Scotia looks on in envy).

Now that Saddam has been captured, certain questions arise: Where will he be tried? In Iraq like the Iraqi Ruling Council and British Prime Minister Tony Blair want? In the Hague in front of a war crimes tribunal? Who will conduct the trial? The Iraqis, the UN, the US? Will Saddam hire a big shot sleazy, slimy lawyer to try to get him off? (Ramsey Clark would probably be willing) And where will Saddam be held while his interrogation and waiting for trial takes place? Will Saddam sing like a canary? Will Saddam be singing a new song changing the lyrics of a popular Irish song as he sings, "...And watch the sun go down on Guantanamo Bay" ?

How exactly did Operation Red Dawn or the capture of Saddam Hussein take place? 1. About 600 US troops headed to the town of al-Dawr, south of Tikrit to conduct intensive searches. 2. US forces found a rural farmhouse and cordoned off an area of about 2 kilometres by 2 kilometres. 3. A "Spider hole" or cellar was located in a hut. The narrow hole covered by a rug, bricks and dirt was about 6 to 8 feet deep with a styrofoam insert. 4. Saddam Hussein was found inside armed with a pistol and was arrested at 20:30 (8:30 PM) local time on Saturday night, December 13 (The Feast of Santa Lucia or Holy Light brought the Iraqi dictator to light). 5. Two unidentified people said to be close allies of Saddam Hussein were also arrested and weapons and more than $750,000 cash was confiscated.
After the capture, US Major-General Raymond T. Odierno noted that the hole wherein Saddam was found was very close to the Tigris River within view of some of Saddam's old palaces. Commented Maj.-Gen. Odierno, "I think it was rather ironic that he was in a hole in the ground across the river from these great palaces that he has built." Somehow this webcaster doesn't think that Saddam's words to his captors when he was brought up out of the ground to within view of those palaces were the words of Shelley's Ozymandias, "Look upon my works, ye Mighty and despair!"

Pompously arrogant French President Jacques Chirac told the French press today that it was all British Prime Minister Tony Blair's fault that the EU Constitution Summit collapsed in Brussels yesterday. The baldheaded septuagenarian leader told members of the wine-drinking, cheese-eating French press corps that if Blair had only supported the French-German demands for a change in the EU voting rules, this would have forced Poland and Spain to back down and then the French written EU Constitution would have been approved much to the delight of Frenchmen and Germans everywhere. Mr. Blair was too busy commenting on the capture of Mr. Saddam Hussein to respond to the loud angry ribbiting that was emanating from the Champs Elysee Palace.

Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf narrowly escaped an assassination attempt today while returning in a motorcade to Islamabad from an airport after paying a visit to the southern Pakistani city of Karachi. It's believed that Taliban and al-Qaeda sympathetic Islamic militants were behind the attack.

Rather ironically on the same day that Iraqi despot Saddam Hussein was captured, a story broke in the London Telegraph on a secret handwritten memo being found that was written by Saddam's Intelligence Chief to Saddam saying that Mohammed Atta (the ringleader of the 9/11 attacks) had just arrived in Baghdad (the memo was dated July 1st, 2001) to receive training from the Palestinian terrorist Abu Nidal (who was then based in Baghdad. He's now roasting away down below). The memo written by Tahir Jalil Habbush al-Tikriti, the former head of the Iraqi Intelligence Service outlined a three-day "work program" for Atta at Abu Nidal's base in Baghdad. The Palestinian terrorist Abu Nidal who was headquartered in Baghdad for more than 20 years was best known for having plotted an assassination attempt on the life of the Israeli Ambassador to London in 1982. That attack led to the 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon and the crushing of the military wing of the PLO (which unfortunately was allowed to emerge again thanks to the Neville Chamberlainesque Munich Treaty of our time better known as the Oslo Accords). Mr. Nidal died under mysterious circumstances in Iraqi secret police custody back in August, 2002. Some newspaper reports at the time said Nidal was arrested by Iraqi Intelligence because they found out that he was planning to flee to Egypt where he would give evidence to the Americans that Saddam was responsible for planning 9/11 along with al-Qaeda. In the July 1st, 2001 memo Iraqi Intelligence's Habbush told Saddam that Atta "displayed extraordinary effort" and demonstrated his ability to lead the team that would be "responsible for attacking the targets that we have agreed to destroy." The memo if shown to be genuine would give the United States more than ample justification (despite the protests of the cowardly French and the Communist New Age United Nations) for attacking and invading Iraq and overthrowing the dictator's Baathist Party government.

Those unconfirmed reports have now been confirmed. Iraq's former dictator Saddam Hussein has been captured by US forces. US forces found Saddam Hussein on Saturday about 20:30 local time hiding in a tiny cellar at a farmhouse about 15 km (10 miles) from his home town of Tikrit. The US military showed video footage of a dishevelled looking Saddam with a long black and gray beard receiving a US Army medical check-up. The beard was later shaved off. Along with the former dictator, troops found $750,000 US in cash in $100 bills, two AK-47 machine guns and two other Saddam associates. The despot who vowed he'd die fighting rather than surrender was taken without a single shot being fired.

This just in on our Global Daily Planet, unconfirmed reports from various sources suggest that deposed Iraqi President Saddam Hussein has been arrested in his hometown of Tikrit. The Global Daily Planet will continue to follow this story as it develops.

The American Empire is developing plans to have plenty of fresh recruits for its military endeavours around the globe (to make up for the number of soldiers that are being killed daily in guerilla attacks in Iraq). Earlier this year, the Bush Administration gave orders to set up a Registration Service for a Draft (the White House insisted that it was not implementing a Draft, only a Registration Service for a Draft. Another example of more Big Brother talk from Jeb Bush's Big Brother). Furthermore, it would not yet be compulsory for young men to register for this Registration according to the White House. Well it may not be compulsory sure but the Global Daily Planet has discovered that young men ages 16 to 24 in US states who wish to apply for a Driver's License are told on their Driver's License application form that their name, age and personal information on the form will also be submitted to the local Draft Registration Board. If they don't wish to have their name, age and personal information supplied to the local Draft Registration Board that's fine they are told on the application form but they then won't be granted a Driver's License from their friendly neighbourhood Department of Motor Vehicles office they are also told. No, no compulsion there is there? It appears that when the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center went down on 9/11, the Twin Towers of Freedom and Liberty went down with them and George W. Bush, John Ashcroft and Tom Ridge are erecting the Twin Towers of Tyranny and Deception in their place.

The country of Canada could not launch a military action against a separatist Vancouver Island let alone another nation state. The Canadian military was virtually starved of funding during the years that the senile retarded Antichrist atheist Jean Cretin sat in the Prime Minister's Office which is the past 10 years.

Scotland's national newspaper, The Scotsman reported yesterday that Britain could not launch a major military action against another nation state without the help of the United States. British Defense Secretary Geoffrey Hoon admitted as much in a White Paper delivered to the British House of Commons on Thursday.

Great news on our Global Daily Planet this Feast Day of Santa Lucia (Sweden's Patron Saint), talks on a EU Constitution have collapsed in Brussels. One official anonymously told the BBC that the talks collapsed because the pompously arrogant French refused to consider any compromise on the voting rights issue. The loud-mouthed French (backed by the silent but equally arrogant Germans) were in a dispute with smaller countries Poland and Spain over the number of votes each member country should have. France and Germany thought that because they were bigger than everybody else, they should have more votes. Poland and Spain pointed out that this would mean smaller countries would have little say in how decisions were implemented in the New Europe. France and Germany snorted loudly in retort that since they were among the major founders of the European Union, what they say should go. The French and Germans naturally neglected to mention that Italy was also a major founder of the European Union and its leader Silvio Berlusconi (unlike the irritatingly pompous Mr. Chirac of France or the facially constipated Mr. Schroder of Germany) was willing to let smaller nations have a say in the New Europe. Now the talks have collapsed. It's really no surprise. Like the movie title "Back To the Future" implies, this result could have been seen in the collapse of Canada's proposed new Constitution, the Charlottetown Accord 10 years ago. Like France, the obnoxious province of Quebec (another pompously arrogant French-speaking region of the world) refused to let smaller provinces like Alberta and Newfoundland have equal voting rights in the Canadian Senate, the upper body of Canada's House of Parliament. Major a--holes Brian Mulroney (then Prime Minister of Canada) and Robert Bourassa (then Premier of Quebec) finally granted equal Senate voting rights to each province in the Charlottetown Accord but then on the other hand removed whatever power the Canadian Senate used to have. Western Canadian voters (and the rest of the country as well for that matter) saw through the shenanigans of Mr. Mulroney and then in no uncertain terms told the a--hole Mr. Mulroney to go f--k himself in a referendum on the issue. Swedish Prime Minister Goran Persson predicted that talks on a new EU Constitution probably wouldn't start again until at least 2005.

Teilhardian New Age Matthew Fox style Catholic globalist Paul Martin replaced the senile retarded Antichrist atheist Jean Cretin as Prime Minister of Canda today (talk about leaping from the frying pan into the fire or vice versa!).

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, one of the few intelligent continental Western European leaders, has said it would be better if there were no deal on the EU Constitution rather than a bad deal. Mr. Berlusconi is the current President of the European Union's rotating Presidency and therefore is the Chair of this weekend's EU Summit in Brussels which seeks to approve an EU Constitution before the Union expands from 15 to 25 members next May. Pompously arrogant French President Jacques Chirac is livid with Spain and Poland for holding up approval of the French written EU Constitution. At the Summit's opening session today, Mr. Chirac criticized Spain and Poland for not following democratic rules (As far as the Viagara pill popping Mr. Chirac is concerned, democratic rules are whatever the cheese-eating French say they are). Mr. Chirac also said that EU founders France and Germany would not accept Poland and Spain distorting their (the founders') vision of Europe. Seeing as how the Franco-German vision of Europe endorsed by such elitist globalist organizations as the Bilderbergers (which was founded by Nazi Prince Bernhard of the Netherlands at the Bilderberg Hotel in Amsterdam back in 1954) bears an almost 100% resemblance to a 1942 Nazi Party policy paper on a future political and economic union of Europe (once Germany won the War which of course it didn't), Spain and Poland are right in demanding another pair of prescription glasses (one less fascist brownshirt coloured in the lenses) for the European Union.

Homeland Security Czar Tom Ridge gave a speech in Miami, Florida yesterday and in a statement that could have been right out of Orwell's 1984, he used a Hegelian dialectic statement that was a total violation of Aristotle's Rule of Logic on The Principle of Non-Contradiction (such statements are regularly articulated by religious cult leaders to send their audiences and/or congregations into a state of shock induced hypnotic suggestibility). He made the statement as he announced plans to legalize illegal immigrants, "The bottom line is, as a country, we have to come to grips with the presence of 8 to 12 million illegal immigrants, afford them some kind of legal status, some way, but also as a country decide what our immigration policy is and then enforce it." The remarks were reported in the South Florida Sun-Sentinel. Welcome to Doublespeak, the language of the New World Order, ladies and gentlemen.

Well now that Tony Blair feels he can only approve the EU Constitution if he has America's blessing to do so (and it appears he's got it) what else is America doing that would lead one to suspect that America (the land that sodomite philosopher, occultist and practicing alchemist Francis Bacon dubbed the "New Atlantis" in one of his essays and predicted would one day become the cornerstone of a New World Order--a political synthesis of Christianity and Renaissance Hermetic magic) is becoming the center of power of a revived Roman Empire (also known today as the New World Order)? Well, the US Department of Homeland Security back in September took control of Australia's Computer Emergency Response Team (so much for Australia's sovereignty as an independent country) also known as CERT. Overseeing Australia's CERT on behalf of the US Department of Homeland Security will be Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (Bush's Secretary of Homeland Security is Tom Ridge who was Governor of Pennsylvania where Carnegie Mellon is located. Mr. Ridge left the Governorship of Pennsylvania on being named by Bush to the Office of Homeland Security). Carnegie Mellon also created the Tripod Web Hosting Service, a web hosting service who become quite touchy about any website on its server criticizing the US Patriot Act, the Department of Homeland Security or the dangerous uses of implanted subdermal microchips in creating a total surveillance Big Brother society.

On our Global Daily Planet today, British Prime Minister Tony Blair says he has hammered out an EU Defense deal with France and Germany that is to America's liking. As such, Tony Blair says he now has no plans to veto the EU Constitution tomorrow in Brussels. Polish President Aleksander Kwasniewski says he may still veto the Constitution if Poland's voting rights remain downgraded in the French written, German supported Constitution in which smaller countries like Poland and Spain would lose their voting powers in favour of the big kids on the EU block who are (you guessed it!) France and Germany.

And on a note of remembrance...today is the 25th Anniversary of the death of that master filmmaker Edward D. Wood, Jr. Mr. Wood is best known for that cinematic masterpiece, Plan IX From Outer Space (a film that was passed over for an Academy Award Best Picture nomination that year of 1959). Like his idol Orson Welles, Mr. Wood never won an Oscar for Best Picture.

An interesting historical footnote to a story the Global Daily Planet did yesterday. Apparently the National Hotel in Moscow where a Chechen Muslim terrorist suicide bombing occurred yesterday was the same hotel Lenin stayed at in Moscow prior to launching the 1917 Bolshevik Revolution. I wonder if he remembered to pay his bill or if he just arbitrarily cancelled it on becoming the Red Dictator of the new Soviet Russia.

On our Global Daily Planet today, the Communist New Age United Nations kicked off a three day summit in Geneva, Switzerland. The topic of the summit is the World Information Society. One of the speakers who managed to drift off topic at the Summit was Marxist black African despot Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe who used the summit to lambaste what he called "Anglo-American imperialism". UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan whined that there were too many websites in the English language on the Net (there's the possibility the speech was ghost written by French President Jacques Chirac). The real purpose of the summit is to try to get the Internet under the control of the Communist New Age United Nations by 2005. Among the most enthusiastic backers of the idea are such bastions of freedom of expression as Communist China and Muslim fanatic Saudi Arabia.

Late last month, notorious American Communist Party member Sylvia Bernstein kicked the bucket at the age of 88. Described by black and white pieces of toilet paper The New York Times and the Washington Post as a "civil rights activist", the laudatory obituaries in those two newspapers of Orwellian doublespeak failed to mention that she was a staunch admirer and supporter of Josef Stalin, one of the greatest violators of civil rights in all recorded history. The two papers also neglected to mention that Ms. Bernstein did not resign her membership in the Soviet-controlled American Communist Party even after Stalin signed a Peace Pact with the anti-Semitic genocidal Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler. The Global Daily Planet hopes that they remembered to bury Ms. Bernstein face downwards so that she can see where she's going.

Former US Vice-President and 2000 Democratic Presidential candidate Al Gore, the man who personally invented the Internet and was the inspiration for the 1970 Hollywood film "Love Story" (or so Mr. Gore once claimed), has endorsed former Vermont Governor Howard Dean to be the Democratic Presidential nominee in 2004. And here's what I just found out about Howard Dean...back in 2001 when Howard Dean was Governor of Vermont, children in Vermont public schools were forbidden to say "Merry Christmas" to one another. They had to say,"Happy Holidays!". Coming soon to a US national election near you, "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas Vs. The Grinch Who Stole An Election".

On our Global Daily Planet today, a Muslim terrorist car bombing has occurred near Moscow's Red Square. The bombing was done by a Chechen female suicide bomber. It killed six people and injured thirteen others. The blast occurred outside the plush National Hotel near Red Square. Whether the National Hotel was the intended target is unclear. A Muscovite said the bomber, accompanied by another woman (possibly another suicide bomber) appeared to be lost and had asked a passer-by the way to the State Duma (Russia's lower house of Parliament). The woman seemed to have detonated the bomb prematurely before reaching her intended target. Why Muslim women want to blow themselves up in Jihadi suicide style attacks is unclear since Mohammed said nothing about female jihadis getting it on with 70 dark-eyed men in the Islamic paradise unlike male Jihadis who according to Mohammed get the chance to whoop it up and make whoopee with 70 dark-eyed women. Not only that but these two women did not seem to get the target right in Moscow. Undoubtedly memos are currently being sent back and forth in Chechen terrorist circles not to send a peroxide blonde to do a man's job.

This just in... the Russian Communists have just moved past Zhirinovsky's ultra-nationalists by one percentage point (12.7% to 11.6%) to once again give that party second place in the Russian State Duma elections. United Russia leads the poll with 37.1% of the vote. More than 98% of the polls have now been counted.

In the latest results from yesterday's parliamentary elections in Russia, the pro-Vladimir Putin United Russia Party is still in first place. However the fascist ultra-nationalist (misnamed) Liberal Democratic Party of Vladimir Zhirinovsky has moved into second place thereby pushing the Communists down into third place. Communist leader Gennady Zyuganov isn't very happy about this turn of events. The US State Department has expressed concern about the electoral process in yesterday's election since most of the media in Russia is now controlled by the state (like it was in the days of the old Soviet Union) and that state-controlled media was backing the United Russia Party.

And to what should have been no one's surprise, 13 Palestinian terrorist groups rejected the idea of a ceasefire with Israel at a meeting in Cairo. The meeting was hosted by Egyptian Intelligence Chief Omar Suleiman who was recently named Egypt's Vice-President by President Hosni Mubarak (originally Mubarak did not have a Vice-President unlike his predecessors Anwar Sadat (who had Mubarak as his Vice-President) and Gamal Abdel Nasser (who had Sadat as his Vice-President). However last month the 75-year old Mubarak collapsed while giving a speech. This no doubt inspired him to designate a successor). Suleiman, even though Egypt is supposed to be part of the US led War On Terror, met with officials of the Palestinian terrorist groups (and made no attempt to arrest them). The meeting was a waste of time as the Palestinian terrorist groups categorically rejected any idea of ceasing their attacks on Jewish civilians. This should come as no surprise since according to official Islamic eschatology, the End of this Age and the coming of Allah's Utopian Golden Rule on Earth won't occur until all the Jews have been murdered and wiped off the face of the earth first. This is something you won't find in the thought of George W. Bush, Canada's Jean Cretin or most European Union leaders since they keep on telling their peoples that Islam is a religion of peace. To a Palestinian terrorist, killing Jews is more of an orgasmic experience for them than a one on one...make that a one on seventy with the dark-eyed houri of Mohammed's Islamic paradise.

On our Global Daily Planet today, Argentina's crybaby President Nestor Kirchner snivelled that he wanted Britain to apologize for transporting nuclear weapons on British ships during the 1982 Falkland Islands War. The Latin American leader who has never passed beyond the emotional mindset of a toddler whined, "The United Kingdom must ask our forgiveness." He went on to bawl, "We need those who are part of the government of the other country to have the character to ask the forgiveness that is due." I wonder if the pompous self-righteous Latino airhead has the character to apologize to Britain for originally invading the Falkland Islands which is what started the war in the first place. It is the opinion of this webcaster that on the part of Argentina (who've never got over losing that war) this is just a case of "sour grapes" (or as they say in Spanish, "Malvinas" which coincidentally is what Argentina calls the Falkland Islands).

Today is Sunday December 7th, 2003. It was on another Sunday, December 7th (back in 1941) that a Day of Infamy occurred. The Armed Forces of the Empire of Japan driven by an extremist militaristic form of religion (Shintoist divine emperor worship) launched an unprovoked attack on the US naval base at Pearl Harbour. It wasn't until 60 years later that another Day of Infamy occurred. Terrorists driven by an extremist militaristic form of religion (militant Islam) hijacked planes and launched an attack on a civilian target first (the World Trade Center) and then a military target (the Pentagon) and the fourth plane was disabled by passengers and fell onto a field in Pennsylvania before it could reach its target. The Japanese Shintoist militarism was finally cured by dropping atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Maybe dropping atomic bombs on Mecca and Medina will do the same for militant Islam. But it won't happen as long as there is a US President who suffers from the delusion that Islam is a religion of peace.

In Russia, the pro-Vladimir Putin United Russia Party appears to have emerged as the winner of today's parliamentary elections in Russia. The party has won the majority of seats in the Russian State Duma. United Russia beat the Communists of Gennady Zyuganov, the ultra-nationalist Liberal Democratic Party of Vladimir Zhirinovksy as well as two liberal pro-western parties and a multitude of various smaller parties.

Tropical Storm Odette, the first tropical storm on record to form in the month of December, has hit the Dominican Republic and Haiti.

A monster snowstorm has hit the eastern United States and eastern Canada tonight blanketing that region in snow.

The United States and Russia seem to be heading for a collision course over the former Soviet Republic of Georgia. Today US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld demanded that Russia withdraw its remaining 8000 troops from Georgia (Russia still has troops in Georgia from the days when Georgia was still part of the old Soviet Union). Earlier this week in the Dutch city of Maastricht, US Secretary of State Colin Powell demanded that Moscow live up to its pledge in the 1999 Istanbul Declaration that Russia would withdraw its troops from the former Soviet republics of Georgia and Moldova within four years. Time's up at the end of this year and Russia has made no attempt to withdraw those troops. Caspian Sea oil and the huge profits it will bring has got in the way of such previous goodwill. Now that Georgian President Eduard Shevardnadze was deposed in a bloodless coup last month and a US trained lawyer, Mikhail Saakashvili stands ready to take his place, Moscow is taking drastic steps to maintain its influence in the region of the multi-billion dollar Caspian Sea oil pipeline. Russia is seeking to annex the Georgian separatist regions of South Ossetia and Abkhazia. America is expected to counter this move by building up its own military presence in the region. World financiers were busy visiting the Georgian capital of Tbilisi all last week. Among them was exiled Russian billionaire oligarch Boris Beresovksy. When Beresovksy returned to London, the seat of his exile, he boasted that he is seeking a handy base to launch an opposition campaign against his arch-enemy, Russian President Vladimir Putin. He reckons that in Georgia he can buy one cheaply. The Caspian Sea oil pipeline is expected to be completed by 2005. It will then be able to sell Caspian oil to western world markets. Of course if one then wanted to ship Caspian Sea oil to the huge emerging Asian markets, it would be best to do it through a pipeline that goes through Israel. How long will the KGB rulers of the Kremlin sit quietly in Moscow before deciding that their economically impoverished country better rise to the occasion to, in Ezekiel's words, "take a spoil"?

An Iraqi Lt.-Col. has been identified as British MI6's source for Tony Blair's claim that Saddam Hussein could launch missiles within 45 minutes of an order by the Baathist Party dictator. The Sunday Telegraph outed Lt.-Col al-Dabbagh, 40 as the source of the information. al-Dabbagh told the Telegraph, "Forget 45 minutes, we could have fired these within half an hour." Al-Dabbagh said the Weapons of Mass Destruction have been hidden at secret locations by Saddam's Fedayeen and are still in Iraq. If what Al-Dabbagh says is accurate, US teams have still been unable to find these WMDs (better send in Sherlock Holmes, Charlie Chan and James Bond. Perhaps San Francisco Private Eye Pat Novak as well to provide sardonic and witty commentary on the search!).

Chinese Prime Minister Wen Jiabao started his first official visit to the United States today. He met with UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan in New York City tonight. His visit comes in the midst of increasing tensions between Mainland China and the island of Taiwan.

On our Global Daily Planet today, the 52 Commonwealth Heads of Government meeting in Abuja, Nigeria voted to indefinitely suspend Marxist dictator Robert Mugabe's Zimbabwe. In response, Zimbabwe's black African despot Mr. Mugabe threw a temper tantrum and announced his country was quitting the Commonwealth.

Our first breaking Global Daily Planet story for today, Saint Nicolas Day, December 6th is Miss Ireland has won the Miss World pageant which this year was held for the first time in the People's Republic of China. This webcaster who visited Ireland back in 1993 can well understand why a lovely Irish girl made such a big hit with the Chinese. Rosanna Davison, 19, took the title on the southern Chinese island of Hainan known as "China's Hawaii". The city of Sanya on the island hosted the event. The lovely and breathtakingly beautiful Miss Davison is a university student in the Irish capital of Dublin. She is also the daughter of the popular 1980s rock star Chris de Burgh who made an impact on the world with such hits as the romantic slow dance song "Lady In Red" and the haunting melody about the River Styx, Charon and the Underworld, "Don't Pay the Ferryman". Among the judges at the event were the Hollywood actor and martial arts star Jackie Chan. No doubt Mr. Chan was busy with his hands as he was giving high marks to the lovely Miss Davison while the well-known German conductor, Maestro Hans Bates was conducting in the foreground.

This evening, Syrian President Bashar Assad has put his Armed Forces on alert. Assad's decision to mobilize came after Israel's announcement yesterday that the two terrorist members of Yasser Arafat's Security Services who were stopped from launching a suicide attack on a northern Israeli high school also had ties with a Damascus-based Palestinian terrorist group. The last time this Damascus-based terrorist group organized a suicide attack on Israelis (that attack blew up Maxim's Restaurant in Haifa killing 21 people), the Israelis responded with an October 5th bombing attack on a Palestinian terrorist training camp outside Damascus. It was the first time Israelis had attacked Syrian soil since the 1973 Yom Kippur War. After it happened, Syrian Foreign Minister Farouk Shara had a spaz attack and said the next time that Israel struck targets in Syria, this would amount to a declaration of war. Syria taking a cue from US President George W. Bush and the Iraq War may launch a pre-emptive strike on Israel.

On our Global Daily Planet today as US President George W. Bush continues to tell America and the world that Islam is a religion of peace, a group of Chechen Muslim suicide bombers blew themselves up on a commuter train in southern Russia during morning rush hour. 42 people are dead and nearly 160 are injured. Most of the dead and injured were students going to classes for the day. Russian President Vladimir Putin said the bombing was an attempt to disrupt Sunday's parliamentary elections for the Russian Duma.

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has arrived in Abujah, the capital of Nigeria to open the Commonwealth Heads of Government Conference tomorrow. There are 52 Heads of Government in the British Commonwealth, a voluntary association of former British colonies.

On our Global Daily Planet today, Israeli security forces successfully prevented a Palestinian terrorist attack on a junior high school in northern Israel. The two terrorists who were arrested before the attacks could be carried out were identified as both being members of Yasser Arafat's Palestinian Authority Security Forces. This should let most sensible Israelis realize that Yasser Arafat is not a man who can be dealt with in a peaceful manner. Let left-wing idiot Yossi Beilin continue to flap his gums about the so-called Geneva Accords and let him receive the thunderous applause of various Nobel Peace laureate "useful idiots" in Geneva but give the old fool the raspberry he so richly deserves and bury the Geneva Accords under pig dung (where Muslim terrorists will be afraid to look). Have Sharon tell the anti-Semitic European Union (the most rotten voice of the so-called Road Map Quartet) to stick it where the sun don't shine. The anti-Semitic European Union have been funding Arafat's Palestinian Authority for years. The Fourth Reich is alive and well and living in Brussels and instead of Auschwitz, they have Arafat.

The Caucasus Republic of Georgia is like Azerbaijan another important country in the geopolitics of the world since the Caspian Sea oil pipeline must pass through that country as well to reach western markets. Thus when exiled Russian tycoon Boris Berezovsky flew into Tbilisi last night on a friend's private jet using the assumed name "Elein Platon" to escape detection, the government of Russian President Vladimir Putin today demanded to know why Georgian authorities didn't arrest Berezovsky when they found out who he really was since there is an international arrest warrant out for Berezovsky. The billionaire oligarch who had a falling out with Putin back in the year 2000 fled Russia for Britain where he was granted political asylum. Mr. Berezovsky is wanted in Russia on charges of fraud and embezzlement (a common charge against Russian oligarchs these days. Mikhail Khodorkovsky, the chairman of Yukos, Russia's largest oil company, is enjoying Russian state hospitality in a Moscow jail these days on those very charges. Another billionaire oligarch, Roman Abramovich is in Britain to escape prosecution in Russia on those charges as well. Mr. Abramovich made himself very popular among Londoners by buying the Chelsea football team and signing a bunch of high profile players to play for the team). Georgia told Russia it recognizes Britain's authority to grant political asylum and that is why Mr. Berezovsky was not arrested. Russia which has been ticked off with Georgia in the past (claiming it harbours Chechen terrorists) will no doubt be even more ticked off with Georgia now. Russia is struggling with the US and Iran for control of the Caspian Sea oil reserves and in Russia itself, Putin is fighting with jailed and exiled billionaire oligarchs for control of that country. In addition to all that, a US trained lawyer, Mikhail Saakashvili will most likely be elected Georgia's next President in the wake of the deposition of Eduard Shevardnadze. As Lewis Carrol once wrote in "Through the Looking Glass", "Things are curiouser and curiouser."

US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld is currently visiting Baku, Azerbaijan to strengthen military ties between the two countries. The US which already has bases in the country will open up even more bases and airfields in the future. All of this of course is designed to protect American and western world access to Caspian Sea oil. Azerbaijan has a large portion of the Caspian Sea oilfields plus the pipeline from the Caspian Sea itself needs to flow through Azerbaijan for the easiest most direct route. Much of the current maneuvering in the Middle East at the moment has very little to do with concern for the Palestinians or even with the Israelis for that matter. It has to do with providing a stable peaceful environment so that someone (be it the US, Russia or Iran--all rivals in the fight for control of Caspian Sea oil) will be able to exploit that area's oil resources. Instead of gin rummy, it's oil rummy (as in Donald) in the Caucasus region.

On our Global Daily Planet today, some dramatic stories. Taiwanese President Chen Shui-bian is obviously suffering from a blatant case of insanity as he proposes to tweak the nose of the mainland Chinese Communist Red Dragon by announcing he's going to call a referendum on Taiwanese sovereignty for early next year. Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao has already threatened war with Taiwan if the mindless Chen goes ahead with the referendum. Washington DC is sending one of its expert East Asian envoys, James Moriarty (who is no relation to Sherlock Holmes' arch-enemy Prof. Moriarty) to Taipei to knock some sense into the Taiwanese leader. A war between China and Taiwan is the last thing George W. Bush needs on his plate right now ("An egg roll is about all I can handle at the moment"- Voice of US President George W. Bush).

It was 25 years ago tonight that a gala fund-raising dinner endorsed by 75 prominent leaders (most of them left-wing liberal Democrats) was scheduled to be held in San Francisco in honour of the Rev. Jim Jones of the People's Temple Church. Of course, the December 2nd 1978 dinner was cancelled because of the inability of the guest of honour to appear. I wonder if they sent the kool-aid back?

This just in from Vilnius, Lithuania! A parliamentary committee of inquiry in Lithuania has just issued a damning report on Lithuanian President Rolandas Paksas. The report said Mr. Paksas posed a threat to Lithuanian state security because of his office's links to the Russian Mafia and Russian security services. It is expected that the Lithuanian Parliament will vote in favour of Mr. Paksas' impeachment. Despite demonstrations by the Lithuanian people in the streets of Vilnius this past weekend demanding that he resign, Mr. Paksas has said that he will not resign (anyone know the Lithuanian words for "I am not a crook"?). The beseiged President has served as both Mayor of Vilnius and Prime Minister of Lithuania in the past. He was only elected President of Lithuania in January of this year. The Baltic republic of Lithuania has been an independent country for the past 12 years gaining its independence when the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991. Mr. Paksas had been scheduled to meet US President George W. Bush in Washington DC next Monday, December 8. It is possible that Mr. Paksas may not be able to attend that meeting because of a sudden career change. Mr. Paksas may be boldly going where former Georgian President Eduard Shevardnadze has gone before.

On our Global Daily Planet today, this breaking news story from southeast Asia. MPs from Thailand's governing Thai Rak Thai party are upset by plans from the party leadership to ban them from having mistresses or visiting brothels. Later this month, the party led by southeast Asia's most competent and dynamic leader Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra, will consider plans to screen candidates so that only faithful and monogamous husbands can stand in elections ("Doggone it-- there goes another place on the planet where I won't be able to stage a political comeback!" -voice of former US President William Jefferson Clinton). One Thai Rak Thai party MP told Thailand's "The Nation" newspaper that if the rules were enforced, the party would only be able to field around 30 candidates compared to its more than 200 sitting MPs. Another MP said the move would lead to mass defections. Indeed many Thai MPs have expressed outrage that the party hierarchy is trying to interfere with the practice of keeping a mistress or "mia noi" as they are known. ("Mea culpa! Mia noi!" -voice of William Jefferson Clinton again). One MP, Thirichai Sirikhan told The Nation newspaper, "To have a mia noi is an individual's right". Perhaps Mr. Sirikhan better move to Canada where no doubt Canada's senile retarded judges would read such a right into the Constitution.

On our Global Daily Planet today, the so-called Geneva Accord is being signed in Geneva, Switzerland between former Israeli Justice Minister Yossi Beilin and former Palestinian Information Minister Yasser Abed Rabbo. Former US President Saint Jimmy of Carter will oversee the signing. The Accord is pretty much what former US President Bill Clinton and former Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak offered the Palestinian terrorist leader Yasser Arafat back in 2000, an offer that Arafat rejected before going on to launch the Second Intifadah. If the Palestinian terrorist leadership rejected that offer back then, what makes anyone think that they'll accept this offer now? The Accord would also give sole sovereignty over the Temple Mount's Holy Places to the Palestinian Authority. Given the intolerance that Palestinian Muslims have shown towards Jewish and Christian believers the past 40 years, they have shown themselves unworthy and undeserving of being granted sole authority over the Temple Mount sites. It should be a shared sovereignty by Jewish, Christian and Muslim Authorities.