Global Daily Planet

Miss India, Lakshmi Pandit, has handed back her crown after controversy erupted over her marital status. Media in India had reported that the beauty queen crowned only last week was married in violation of the pageant's rules. Miss Pandit insists that she is still single and only pretended to be married in order to rent a flat with her live-in boyfriend. The Global Daily Planet's South Asia correspondent, the noted actor, stunt man and party entertainer Hrundi V. Bakshi reports, "Miss Lakshmi is obviously a woman in need of a good spanking on the bare bottom in order to show her the error of her ways." Hrundi adds that he would be more than happy to personally take up that assignment himself.

Esteemed broadcaster and writer Alistair Cooke has died at the age of 95. This webcaster best remembers Alistair Cooke for his television program, Masterpiece Theatre. This webcaster recalls being stuck one New Year's Eve in a very small town a dozen years ago with a couple of friends. To prevent us from going out of our minds, the noted Sports Trivia Champion Jack Morrow pretended to be Alistair Cooke and talked about hosting another exciting segment of "Alistair Cooke's Masturbates Theatre".

British Prime Minister Tony Blair has decided to act like Spain's new limpwristed pansy Socialist Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero and cave in on a new European Union Constitution which would give more power to the European Union in Brussels. Tony Blair will transfer key powers on law and order from the Parliament in London over to the European Union Courts and bureaucracy in Brussels. Merrie Old England has now lost its sovereignty! Farewell Merrie Old England! Bisexual Princess Tony and his so-called Smart Young Men of Downing Street have sold you out!

Intelligence news services on the Web suggest that the spate of Muslim jihadi terrorist attacks in recent years from 9/11 to 3/11 may be due to a belief on the part of various Muslim jihadi terrorist groups like al-Qaeda in the imminent appearance of the Imam Mahdi (an Islamic messianic style figure prophecied in the Hadith who will arise in the last days and slay the "unbelievers", in other words, non-Muslims). Some of the Muslim detainees at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba believe that Osama bin Laden is the "awaited enlightened one" or Mahdi. Whether Osama himself believes that he is the Mahdi or "awaited enlightened one" is open to debate. However since the end of 2001, Osama has been signing his messages "Osama bin Muhammad bin Laden" rather than just Osama bin Laden. The Hadith says that the Mahdi will be recognizable by the fact that he carries the name of the prophet (who in Islam is Muhammad). If Shakespeare were alive today, he'd probably write, "O, vastly overinflated ego, thy name is Osama."

Michael Jackson said it roughly a decade ago, "The world has lost a great artist." He was talking about the death of legendary comic Benny Hill. Now the world has lost another great artist, one of the 20th Century's greatest actors and writers, Sir Peter Ustinov. Sir Peter passed away in Switzerland last night at the age of 82. He won two Oscars and received another two Oscar nominations during his career. This webcaster remembers him best for his American Express commercials where some hotel clerk or waiter would come running after him, "Mister Ustinov, your receipt" to which the actor would reply, "No problem." I guess Mr. Ustinov won't need a receipt where he's going and hopefully, in the case of Sir Peter, it's upstairs to meet another Peter at the Pearly Gates.

In the former Soviet republic of Georgia, Georgian President Mikhail Saakashvili's party, the National Movement-Democratic Front has won all 150 parliamentary seats in today's Georgian Parliamentary election. Mr. Saakashvili came to power as a result of last November's so-called "rose revolution" in Georgia in which then Georgian President Eduard Shevardnadze was toppled from office on the grounds that he had committed electoral fraud in the November parliamentary election because it happened that his (Shevardnadze's) party had won the majority of seats in Parliament.

Tunisia has cancelled an Arab League Summit it was set to host on Monday because it said Arab Foreign Ministers were unable to agree on what plans should be discussed at the Summit.

Earlier today, Taiwan's Election Commission officially confirmed incumbent President Chen Shui-bian of the Democratic Progressive Party as the winner of last weekend's Taiwanese Presidential election. President Chen defeated Lien Chan of the Nationalist Kuomintang Party by only 0.2% of the popular vote.

Earlier today, a group of lovely Greek women wearing lovely classical Greek white dresses lit the Olympic torch in Athens, Greece after a satellite dish picked up a ray of light from the sun. This year the Olympic Games returns to its birthplace.

At a European Union summit in Brussels today, the possibility has now emerged there may be acceptance of a new EU Constitution by mid-June. Now that Spain has a new limpwristed pansy Socialist Prime Minister, he's willing to bend over and let the cowardly French of France and the sour Krauts of Germany have their way with him and approve the EU Constitution that the cowardly French of France and the sour Krauts of Germany wanted to impose on the European Union at their Summit meeting in Nice last December.

The United States of America has vetoed a United Nations Security Council resolution that would have condemned Israel's killing of the Palestinian terrorist scumbag Sheikh Ahmed Yassin. The resolution had been brought forth by savage and barbaric Muslim countries and their limpwristed pansy European allies.

Former US Counterterrorism Czar Richard Clarke testified before the 9/11 Commission in Washington DC yesterday. In his testimony, Clarke said that during the first 8 months of the Bush Administration prior to September 11th, the White House was obsessed with Iraqi President Saddam Hussein and didn't give the al-Qaeda Muslim terrorist network the high priority it should have. When certain members of the Commission suggested that Clarke's motives in making this claim were political and that he had some sort of ties with the John Kerry campaign for President, Clarke vehemently denied this by saying that he himself was a registered Republican and not a Democrat. That may be true but there still may be some deeper political machinations at work here. Perhaps Clarke's testimony is all the fuel and ammunition that Arizona Republican Senator John McCain needs to become Democrat John Kerry's Vice-Presidential running mate running as an Independent candidate under Kerry's Democratic Party ticket.

British Prime Minister Tony Blair met Libyan leader Col. Muammar Gaddafi today. The two shook hands in a Bedouin tent outside the Libyan capital of Tripoli. Tony Blair said that Libya's Muammar Gaddafi is the United Kingdom's new ally in the War Against Terrorism. Meanwhile Anglo-Dutch oil giant Shell announced it had signed a deal with Libya worth over $1 billion (US) for natural gas exploration rights off the Libyan coast.

It was 5 years ago today that William Jefferson "Scumbag" Clinton ordered the unprovoked bombing of civilian targets in Serbia by NATO warplanes, an action that Canada's peace-loving ex-Prime Minister Jean Cretin was only too happy to participate in. Ah yes, Serbia, a country where the levels of massacres of Kosovo Albanians was vastly, vastly exaggerated, a country definitely known not to have any Weapons of Mass Destruction and a country that was no military threat whatsover to the United States and the West. Funny, why weren't all the pablum-puking liberals, unwashed leftists and Hollywood airheads out protesting that war? Yet, you didn't hear a peep from them? Why is that?

There is a major difference between Roman Catholic books on Prophecy and Protestant books on Prophecy. Protestant books on Prophecy deal strictly with Prophecy found in the Bible. Roman Catholic books on Prophecy also contain the visions of numerous monks, priests and nuns throughout the ages. One common factor to these visions was that it was foretold that in the last days a Great Monarch (a descendant of Constantine, Charlemagne and France's King Louis IX) would arise and lead Europe and Europeans to defeat the savage and barbaric hordes of Islam. This shows the folly of following extra-Biblical revelation. For one thing, most of the brainless peoples of Europe do not regard the savage and barbaric hordes of Islam as being savage and barbaric. For another thing, practically all of Europe's leaders, both political and religious, are a bunch of limpwristed pacifist pansies who don't believe any sort of action should be taken against Muslim terrorists. They uniformly condemn Israel, the only nation with balls enough to send Muslim terrorists to the destination they so richly deserve, a destination that Muslim terrorists say upon arriving, "What's up with the 72,000 pitchforks? What happened to the 72 virgins that were promised me?".

This just in...Oxford University has announced a program to teach its Oxford dons how to bicyle. Apparently many of the old boys are causing disruption in traffic not knowing the proper way to weave in and out. So there you have it folks, the state of higher education in Britain today. Will these Oxford dons enter this program on a "Roads" Scholarship?

The Palestinian terrorist organization Hamas has elected the Palestinian terrorist Abdel-Aziz al-Rantissi to be its new terrorist leader. However people may not have to worry about learning to pronounce the long-winded Islamic name of this particular Muslim terrorist as he may not be around too long if Israeli helicopter gunships give him several dozen 21-gun salutes in celebration of his new position.

A group of dozens of black pastors rallied against sodomite and dyke marriages at a church in Atlanta, Georgia yesterday. For years perverted sodomites and lesbian freaks have compared their so-called "struggle" with the black civil rights movement of the 1960s. Many black clergy wisely said that they are offended by that particular claim of the sodomite rights movement. 30 black clergy signed a declaration to be presented to the Georgia state legislature saying that sodomite marriage is not a civil right (hear! hear!) and that marriage between a man and a woman is necessary for the upbringing of children. Such an opinion is not held by the likes of celebrity airheads like Barbra Streisand who recently defended the concept of fag and dyke marriages by blubbering, "Everyone needs a soul mate...even if it's a warm puppy." How soon the big-nosed celebrity airhead will marry her warm puppy the Global Daily Planet will not speculate. In the meantime, the opinion of the Atlanta black clergymen is not held by the vast majority of pablum-puking lily white liberals who are going into positive orgasm at the thought of sodomites parading out of the nation's bath houses into the nation's wedding chapels.

A horror flick about zombies terrorizing a shopping mall entitled "Dawn of The Dead" has become the first movie to top Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" at the weekend box office. Anti-Defamation League Executive Director Abraham Foxman has probably bought himself an "I Love Zombies" t-shirt. And somewhere on the globe, groups of conceited zombies are undoubtedly walking around saying that old John Lennon Beatles line, "We're more popular than Jesus Christ."

Kofi Annan the scumbag Communist Secretary-General of the Communist New Age United Nations has condemned Israel's assassination of the Palestinian terrorist leader Sheikh Ahmed Yassin of Hamas. As Ezra Levant, the publisher of Canada's latest newsmagazine, The Western Standard, has noted there is no anti-Semitism to be found in Mel Gibson's latest movie but there is anti-Semitism to be found in the debating chambers of the UN (take a bow, Kofi!). As usual, condemnation of the courageous Israeli action came from the cowardly French who have never met a terrorist or dictator they didn't like. British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw showed that his last name and what lies between his ears is one and the same when he condemned the action as "unjustified". European Union Foreign Policy chief Javier Solana (a former leader of the Spanish Communist Party and the man Bill Clinton appointed to head NATO back in the 1990s) says the action will hurt the peace process. Peace process? What peace process? Scumbag followers of the Pervert Mohammed blowing themselves up and taking the lives of innocent Jewish civilians with them is a peace process?

Great news! This just in...Hamas leader Sheikh Ahmed Yassin has been killed in an Israeli airstrike in Gaza. Israeli helicopter gunships hit the scumbag's car as he left for a mosque at daybreak. Hopefully his Palestinian terrorist scumbag supporters will remember to bury the Mohammedan infidel son of a bitch face downwards so he can see where he's going.

Taiwan's incumbent President Chen Shui-bian of the Democratic Progressive Party ticket has narrowly won today's Taiwanese Presidential election defeating Lien Chan of the Kuomintang (Nationalist) Party by a vote of 50.1% to Chan's 49.9%. Loser Lien Chan has asked that the election results be declared null and void saying that the only reason Chen Shui-bian won the race was because somebody shot him.

Hours before Taiwanese voters go to the polls tomorrow to vote in a Presidential election, an assassination attempt has been made on the life of Taiwanese President Chen Shui-bian and his Vice-President, Annette Lu. They were campaigning in the President's hometown of Tainan when gunfire hit Chen in the abdomen and his Vice-President in the knee. Neither leader was seriously wounded and now there is speculation that the Democratic Progressive Party ticket could win in a sympathy vote defeating the Kuomintang (Nationalist) candidate, Lien Chan who had been leading in the polls.

More news on the New World Order front...at an anti-terrorism summit meeting of European Union ministers in Brussels today (called in response to the 3/11 train attacks in Madrid), the EU Ministers have agreed to appoint an Anti-Terrorism Tsar, a single official to co-ordinate the anti-terrorism work of all member states. So of this soon-to-be Anti-Terrorism Tsar, will people be saying of him in the future, "Who is able to make war with him?".

On the New World Order front, a Continental Parliament for the African Union (AU) was inaugurated at a ceremony in the Ethiopian capital of Addis Ababa today with the swearing-in of 180 members representing 36 different African countries. If Addis Ababa becomes the permanent home of the African Parliament, then it could be that the King James Bible translators were right to translate the Hebrew word "Cush" in Ezekiel Chapter 38 as being "Ethiopia".

Neo-Communist US Senator John Forbes Kerry claims to have the support of foreign leaders in his campaign to become US President. Although challenged by his Republican opponents to name them, Kerry has refused to do so. Now those leaders are stepping forth themselves. North Korean Stalinist dictator Kim Jong-il has enthusiastically endorsed Kerry's candidacy to the point where Kerry's speeches are now played on Radio Pyongyang. Spain's new limpwristed pansy Socialist Prime Minister, Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero has also endorsed Kerry. Now former Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad (the Muslim Hitler of southeast Asia) has endorsed Kerry in a news interview given to the Associated Press today. However the Global Daily Planet has the feeling that these foreign endorsements of Kerry won't be shown in any Democratic Party campaign ads but will be shown in Republican Party campaign ads.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day to all my Irish friends!

The fascist neo-Nazi US Forest Service has thrown a New Mexico rancher in jail for defending his land and cattle. Kit Laney's 147,000 acre Diamond Bar Ranch was seized by the US Forest Service on February 29th, 2004. Mr. Laney was arrested by the Gestapo Forest Service for daring to check on his cattle last night. The seizure is just the latest in a series of land grabs made by the US Federal Government since the advent of Neo-Communist Bill Clinton's coming to power in 1993. While private property rights are ironically now being recognized in Communist China, the same is not the case in the Orwellian 1984 state that is America today. Neo-Fascist Big Brother George W. Bush has done nothing to stop the series of land grabs being made by Federal authorities that started during the Clinton years. Instead the totalitarian Skull and Bonesman despot has radically expanded the powers of the federal government (the greatest expansion since the days of FDR) and severely curtailed the civil liberties of citizens since the advent of the US Patriot Act and other draconian legislation hurriedly passed through the US Congress since 9/11. So the choice being given to Americans this year is... who do they want to manage the totalitarian state machinery of the Orwellian US Federal Government, the Neo-Fascist George W. Bush or the Neo-Communist John Forbes Kerry?

Spain's new Socialist Prime Minister-elect Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero is rapidly showing himself to be the most useful of the New World Order's "useful idiots". Yesterday, Zapatero said he wanted administration of Iraq handed over to the Communist New Age United Nations. Now the bozo with the El Diablo eyebrows wants to repair relations with Brussels and give more power to the politically schizophrenic partly Communist/partly fascist European Union. Zapatero's predecessor, Jose Maria Aznar had been an ally of Poland in opposing the new Constitution that the cowardly French of France and the sour Krauts of Germany wanted to impose on the European Union last year which would have concentrated power in the hands of (surprise!) the cowardly French of France and the sour Krauts of Germany. With Sunday's election win, the 43-year old Zapatero said Spanish policy on the European Constitution would rotate 180 degrees. So thanks to devout Muslim Osama bin Laden's terrorist shenanigans, the satanic Luciferian New World Order (based on the twin Masonic pillars of the United Nations and the European Union) is really starting to accelerate and move full steam ahead. The Antichrist can't be far behind. So Osama, how does it feel to be an idiot?

It was on this day back in 44 BC that Julius Caesar no doubt wished he had listened to his wife Calpurnia's advice and stayed home on the Ides of March. Instead Caesar foolishly went out to attend a meeting of the Roman Senate and was greeted by Brutus, Cassius and other "honourable men" on the steps of the Roman Capitol Building outside the Senate Chambers. Brutus, Cassius and the other "honourable men" each had a point they wished to make to Caesar. They made their point twenty-three times and Caesar fell on the steps of the Roman Capitol subsequently dead, his toga a blood red stained colour that not even modern Extra Strength laundry detergent could wash out. His last words were reported to be "Et tu, Brute". On the other hand, the Chinese historian Harry Woo believed that Caesar's last words were, "I sure hope they don't name a salad after me."

This Global Daily Planet editor recently came across an article written by Randy Kennedy that appeared in the February 28th, 2004 New York Times. The article was entitled, "Agreed: All the Publicity Is A Truimph For Passion". It dealt with a panel that had assembled a couple of nights before in New York City to discuss the movie, "The Passion of the Christ". Three members of the panel were among the original Ad Hoc Committee of the US Conference of Catholic Bishops that had obtained a stolen copy of an early script of the film and warned that the movie could enflame anti-Semitism (the article neglected to mention that the Ad Hoc Committee had also attacked the literal historicity of the New Testament Gospels in their early pronouncements).
Among the members of the panel present was the airhead nun, Sister Mary Boys, a professor at the Union Theological Seminary in New York. The article notes: Sister Boys said that since the group made those criticisms she and other members have been attacked by supporters of the movie as "anti-Christ, the arrogant gang of so-called scholars, dupes of Satan, forces of Satan and other terms that I cannot use in polite company."
Reading that paragraph made me wonder whether Sister Boys has been reading this Global Daily Planet website since those words are the exact same words I've hurled at her and other members of the Ad Hoc Committee (although I can't say I'm a supporter of Gibson's film since I haven't seen it yet). I used those words because of the Committee's embrace of the Gnostic and Modernist heresies as the proper way to interpret the New Testament Gospels.
As to why Sister Boys feels she can't use those terms in polite company is beyond me because I use those words in polite company all the time. Sister Boys went on to blubber at this panel discussion, "I am deeply concerned by the polarization that these terms represent, by the way in which this film has become a lightning rod in which people can use religion as a tool to bludgeon other people." No doubt she would have been deeply concerned in Christ's day about the polarization caused by Christ Himself when He said that He came not to send peace but a sword upon the earth and that even households and families would be divided because of Him.
Sister Boys whines about "polarization" and "bludgeoning people in the name of religion". To that, the Global Daily Planet says, "If the bitch can't take the theological heat, she should leave the pulpit and get back in the kitchen."

Spain's Socialist Party Prime Minister-elect Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero says he will pull his country's troops out of Iraq unless the United Nations takes charge there. Well this statement foreshadows what a disaster Spain's new Socialist Prime Minister is going to be, helping to promote the global sovereignty of the Communist New Age United Nations in its efforts to form a totalitarian One World Government.

More on our Solar System's newly found planet, Sedna. Some astronomers think Sedna may have its own moon. The planet (named after the Inuit or Eskimo goddess of the ocean) is three times further from the sun than Pluto and is also very red and very shiny in its colour. The combination is extremely unusual in our Solar System and has baffled scientists trying to determine what it is made of.

As of today, Pope John Paul II has become the third longest reigning Pope in history. Today he surpassed the 25-year, 5-month reign of Pope Leo XIII (1878-1903). The only two popes who have reigned longer than Karol Josef Wojtyla are Saint Peter (32 AD to 65/67 AD) and Pope Pius IX (1846-1878).

This just in...astronomers have apparently discovered a new planet in our Solar System. NASA will make a formal announcement of the discovery tomorrow. It was found by the recently launched Spitzer Space Telescope. The new planet has been named Sedna after the ancient Inuit (or Eskimo to use a politically incorrect term) goddess of the ocean. The 9th planet, Pluto was discovered in 1930. Scientists believe that there is the possibility that Sedna the 10th planet may even be larger than Pluto. Earth's Global Daily Planet says, "Hello Sedna."

Exit polls from the Russian Presidential election show that incumbent Russian President Vladimir Putin has been swept back to power with at least 69% of the popular vote. In what may turn out to be a symbolic prophecy of Putin's future reign, the historic 19th Century Manezh Exhibition Hall right next to the Kremlin caught fire shortly after polling stations closed. The historic building burned to the ground.

More information has come to light about the e-mail sent from al-Qaeda's Abu Hafs Al-Masri Brigades to London's Al-Quds Al-Arabi newspaper. It apparently promised "three operations, one called 'train of death' in Spain, one called 'black smoke of death' in Italy, and one called the 'wind of death' in the US". So the pagan god Allah worshipping band of Muslim terrorist scumbags have more death and destruction on the way.

Spain's ruling Popular Party has turned out not to be so popular in the wake of today's parliamentary general election in Spain. The Popular Party (which claimed that the Basque separatist group ETA was responsible for the 3/11 train attacks in Madrid) has gone down to defeat. The Spanish Socialists won 43% of the popular vote while the centre-right Popular Party took only 38%. Socialist Party leader Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero is set to become Spain's new Prime Minister. Mariano Rajoy (who had succeeded current ruling Prime Minister Jose Maria Aznar as leader of the Spanish Popular Party for this election campaign) conceded defeat. Now it's up to the new Spanish government to help slay the multiple-headed bull of Muslim terrorism.

This just in...a double suicide bombing by Palestinian Muslim terrorist scumbags in the southern Israeli port city of Ashdod has killed at least 10 people. No word yet on whether the Government of Spain has blamed the Basque separatist group ETA for the attacks.

Spanish politicians continue to act like total morons (although why should we expect Spanish politicians to act any differently from politicians anywhere else in the world?) and continue to insist (despite the overwhelming evidence pointing to al-Qaeda) that the Basque separatist group ETA still remain the main suspects in the Madrid train bombings of 3/11.

Madrid police have now recovered a videotape in which a man identifying himself as al-Qaeda's military spokesman in Europe has formally claimed responsibility for the Madrid train bombings.

Some genius (in the truest sense of that word) from South Africa's News 24 Television Channel (who should now be able to land a new job with Norway's Defense Research Establishment) has noted that there were exactly 911 days between the bloody terror attacks in Spain this past March 11th and the attacks on the United States on September 11th, 2001.

The Norwegian Defense Research Establishment announced they have rather belatedly discovered transcripts of al-Qaeda press releases and interviews in their possession (that is the possession of Norwegian defense "experts") that show al-Qaeda plotting to hit Spain. One of the project leaders said they were under the impression that the documents (all in Arabic) referred to the situation in Iraq but upon closer examination (after the Madrid bombings had already happened) the Norwegian researchers discovered they specifically referred to Spanish domestic politics and the elections. The most imcriminating evidence on page 42 of the Arabic file reads, "We have to make use of the election to the maximum. The government (of Spain) at the most can cope with three attacks." The document predicted that the other partners of the US-led coalition would fall like dominoes if Spain were to withdraw from Iraq. The Global Daily Planet feels that it can safely predict that the Norwegian defense "experts" will soon be looking for new jobs. The Global Daily Planet also feels that it can safely predict that the Norwegian defense "experts" will then be able to land new jobs with the Defense and Security Establishment of Canada's Federal Liberal government.

Spanish authorities have arrested five suspects in connection with the Madrid blasts which killed at least 200 people. Spain's Interior Minister Angel Acebes announced that three Moroccans and two East Indians were being held. All of them were arrested for suspected involvement in the sale and falsification of the mobile phone and pay card which was found in a bag containing a bomb which failed to explode. Unless Moroccans and East Indians have developed a sudden sympathy for Basque separatist aspirations, this would seem to confirm the Global Daily Planet's belief that Muslim terrorists rather than the Basque ETA were responsible for the 3/11 Madrid terrorist attacks.

The South Korean Parliament has voted to impeach South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun by a vote of 193 to 2. The vote means Mr. Roh's powers are now suspended while he awaits trial before the country's Constitutional Court. Prime Minister Goh Kun becomes the acting Head of State for South Korea in an interval which could last up to six months.

Israeli journalist Barry Chamish speculated recently that the feeling in the upper branches of the Israeli government is that the real enemy of the state of Israel is militant Islam and that as long as militant Islam exists, Israel is in danger. Some within the Israeli government are arguing for a radical solution which would be to drop cobalt-tipped atomic bombs on the Islamic holy shrines of Mecca and Medina which would make them inhospitable to human habitation or visitation for a millenium. How Muslims would be able to explain Allah allowing the desolation of their shrines would cause many to lose faith. The way things are going in the world with Muslim terrorism, the sooner the Israelis do this, the better.

10 simultaneous bombings happened during the morning train commute in the Spanish capital of Madrid this morning. The bombings have killed at least 190 people and injured more than 1,200. It is the worst terrorist attack in Spanish history and the worst terrorist attack in Europe's post-World War II history. While some are blaming the Basque separatist group, ETA for the attacks, it is the opinion of the Global Daily Planet that the only sort of scumbag who really relishes and engages in such massive widespread carnage in today's world is a bloodthirsty, bloodlusting Mohammedan. Indeed a tape recorded in Arabic has been found in a suspect van at one of the train stations. One claim of responsibility for rush-hour attacks on trains at three of the Madrid stations was e-mailed to the London, England-based Arabic newspaper, al-Quds al-Arabi. It came from the Abu Hafs al-Masri Brigades saying Spain was "one of the pillars of the Crusade alliance". The tape in the van itself is believed to have come from al-Qaeda.

The Freemasons are busy people these days what with planning a New World Order, taking over control of the Roman Catholic Church in the wake of Vatican II, managing the presidential campaigns of both Yale Skull and Bonesmen Kerry and Bush in what passes for democracy these days in America, getting their judicial members to turn the world into a global Sodom and Gomorrah and trying to avoid having their lodges blown up in the Middle East and Asia by Muslim nutcases who think they're fronts for Christianity and Judaism. Now they're undergoing the embarassment of having one of their Masonic lodges being subjected to a police investigation. It turns out that a man was killed during a Masonic initiation ceremony at one of their lodges in Patchogue, New York. Patchogue, New York is, of course, the home of the Modernist heretical liberal Catholic St. Joseph Seminary where one of their professors recently went beserk and pulled a literary Howard Dean style rant at the Newsday on-line site in which he ranted and raved that the Gospels were myths and fables and not meant to be taken as literal history. Well it seems that in the same town when the Masons re-enact the legendary killing of legendary architect Hiram Abiff, they have taken it too literally for their own good. When 47-year-old William James was being initiated into the Fellow Craft Degree at the Southside Masonic Lodge in Patchogue on Monday night, he was killed when another member fired a gun loaded with real bullets instead of blanks at him. In a classic case of understatement, someone said, "The ceremony was designed to create a state of anxiety." That will do it all right. Back in the 19th Century, the Masons were notorious for using ropes, knives and swords in their obscene occultic ceremonies. Now they're using guns. When are people going to wake up and smell the smoke of sulphur and brimstone that flows out of the Masonic lodges.

British Prime Minister Tony Blair (who as the Times of London reported this past weekend made his decision to go to war in Iraq after asking a friend of his to consult her New Age seer mother and tell him what the tea leaves and tarot cards said) is making an ass of himself yet again. It turns out the Blair government wants to do away with the office of Lord Chancellor and set up a Supreme Court of Britain (no doubt made up of sodomite loving Freemasons like the US and Canadian Supreme Courts) in his place. Wisely the British House of Lords (that chamber of sober second thought--a chamber that does live up to that title the editor of this Global Daily Planet can verify having personally seen them in action!) defeated the Blair government's plans. Blair's ministers say they remain determined to press ahead with the so-called "reforms" which include changing the name of the Crown Prosecution Service to the Public Prosecution Service (can a United People's Republic of Great Britain be far behind?). Meanwhile Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, is meeting with the Lord Chancellor, Lord Falconer, early this evening to discuss the current situation. Whether the historic post of Lord Chancellor (currently held by Lord Falconer) can indeed be saved is now up for grabs but seeing as how this is Tony Blair who is involved, it's no doubt a case of "The jackass cannot hear the falconer" (to paraphrase William Butler Yeats).

At least two people have been killed and several hurt in a suspected suicide attack on a building housing a Masonic lodge in the Asian district of the city of Istanbul, Turkey. It is believed the Turkish Masonic lodge came under attack by Muslim jihadis because of supposed links to Christianity and Zionism. This is quite ironic in lieu of the fact that the most demonic Masonic group in the world today, the Illuminati, has Muslim origins. The Ancient and Illuminated Seers of Bavaria who became popularly known as the Illuminati (after they had infiltrated the higher degrees of British, European and American Lodges of Freemasonry) was founded by a corrupt Jesuit priest, Adam Weishaupt back on May 1st, 1776. Weishaupt's Bavarian sect borrowed a lot of its ideas and practises from a 16th Century Muslim sect called the Roshaniya who originated in, of all places, Afghanistan. Weishaupt acquired his knowledge and practise of the uses of hashish from his studies of this Muslim Afghan sect. And now Turkish Muslim jihadis (no doubt connected to groups who studied in the al-Qaeda terrorist training camps of the Taliban's Afghanistan) believe that the Masons are Christian and Jewish in origin.

Australian Prime Minister John Howard has condemned a new state law being brought forth by one of the Australian state legislatures that would allow sodomite and lesbian blowhard couples to adopt children. Howard, leader of the conservative Liberal and National Country Party, said the new law introduced by the degenerate pro-sodomite Labour government of the Australian Capital Territory (ACT) illustrated the dangers of "political correctness". In a radio interview Howard said, "I'm against gay adoption, just as I'm against gay marriage. I'm a social conservative. I think there are certain benchmark institutions and arrangements in our society that you don't muck around with. Children should be brought up ideally by a mother and father who are married." Howard's firm remarks stand in sharp contrast to the waffling on the subject by America's so-called Christian President, George W. Bush. If Howard had uttered those remarks in another country of the British Commonwealth, Canada (a nation ruled by a Luciferian sodomite loving and practising Brahmin elite), he would have found himself thrown out of the party he was leading, universally condemned by all the sodomite loving political parties in the Canadian House of Commons and thrown in jail while he awaited trial on genocidal hate crimes charges. To criticize sodomy in Canada is to be guilty of a crime equal to the Holocaust in its proportions. Maybe you should investigate that, Mr. Abraham Foxman.

South Korean President Roh Moo-Hyun may face impeachment from the country's Parliament for breaching the country's electoral law. The Parliament's largest party, the Grand National Party will back an impeachment bill proposed by the smaller Millenium Democratic Party. Roh found himself in hot Korean tea water for publicly pledging support to the pro-Roh Uri Party in upcoming general elections on April 15th (the same date the Titanic went down). South Korean law requires public officials such as the President to remain neutral in parliamentary elections. Rumour has it that the ghost of Richard Nixon has gone to Seoul, South Korea to offer Roh advice on fighting impeachment. Rumour has it that Bill Clinton would have gone as well except he's in the process of training a new intern.

Further proof that the People's Republic of China has gone from being a pure Maoist Communist totalitarian state to more of a Benito Mussolini style Fascist-Corporatist totalitarian state. Mainland China's government has just made an historic change to its Constitution. For the first time since the Communist Party took power over 50 years ago, private property rights will be protected.

Neo-Communist scumbag and Washington Post television reviewer (the two often go together these days!) Tom Shales says that Mel Gibson has a parking space reserved in Hell for him for making the movie, "The Passion of the Christ". No word yet on what caused him to explode in a paroxysm of road rage and tell Mel where he can park his car. No word either on whether Tom is a follower of the Independent Fundamental Baptist Association (who would have supported the iconoclast side at the Second Council of Nicaea in 787 AD) or is a member of the Illuminati who believe that Lucifer and not Adonai is the true god (as their false prophet Albert Pike taught over a century ago and their false prophet Adam Weishaupt the century before that). The Global Daily Planet thinks that Tom whose shales haven't fallen from his eyes is probably a member of the latter organization. He'll probably find himself parked between Pike and Weishaupt in that infernally crowded parking lot down below some day.

Neo-Communist US Senator John Forbes Kerry praised the Palestinian terrorist leader Yasser Arafat as a "role model" and a "statesman" in his 1997 book, "The New War" (now out of print). In the book, Kerry chamberlained (to coin a new Nevillesque word), "Terrorist organizations with specific political agendas may be encouraged and emboldened by Yasser Arafat's transformation from outlaw to statesman." Of course, Kerry did not use that same phrase when he addressed Jewish leaders in New York City eight days ago where he said he shares President Bush's belief that Arafat must be isolated because he's "not a partner for peace much less a statesman". Kerry is the sort of candidate who would have appealed to that early 19th Century German metaphysical nutcase and whacko, Georg Wilhelm Hegel.

The conservative New Democracy party of Costas Karamanlis has defeated the Socialist Pasok Party of George Papandreou in today's Greek parliamentary elections. New Democracy won 165 to the Socialists' 117 in the 300-seat Greek Parliament. It is the first time the Socialist Party has lost an election in Greece in 11 years.

The Communist New Age United Nations has forced the government of Lithuania to lower the age of consent for sodomite sex acts with boys to 14. The government of the Baltic country was forced to pass the legislation in line with the UN Child's Rights Convention Realization Account. It was then forced to send a copy of the legislation to the UN Child Rights Committee. So this is what Children's Rights means to the United Nations--the right to be sodomized by a sodomite! The Global Daily Planet hopes that if the Earth is indeed struck by a comet in the near future, that comet will land right on top of the UN Building in New York City.

Speculation has been surfacing that Mel Gibson's next film may be about the Jewish Maccabean revolt against the Syrian Greek king Antiochus Epiphanes (a 2nd Century BC Middle Eastern despot who caused an "Abomination of Desolation" to be performed in the Jewish Temple in Jerusalem). On the other hand, Israeli educator Yossi Katz suggested Gibson should make a movie about the Bar Kochba Revolt of 132-135 AD in which the Jewish fighter Simon Bar Kochba led a rebellion against the Roman Emperor Hadrian. Hadrian tried to make paganism the only religion of the Holy Land (much like the pagan Allah worshipping Yasser Arafat, the European Union and the Communist New Age United Nations are trying to do today). Both suggestions for future Gibson movies met with Anti-Defamation League Executive Director Abraham Foxman breaking wind on the subject. Snarled Foxman, "I would prefer to leave the fate of Jewish history and Hollywood to Stephen Spielberg. The Maccabees and Bar Kochba are our sacred history." No doubt worldwide Jewish conspiracy theorists like Texe Marrs will be pleased by the fact that Mr. Foxman just admitted in his statement that the Jews control Hollywood. As for his belief that only Jews should be allowed to make movies about Jews, it appears that there is indeed a racist at play in the ongoing feud between Mel Gibson and Abraham Foxman. And that racist isn't Mr. Gibson. That racist is Abraham Foxman.

The spirit of Antichrist continues to fall across America and the world as cities everywhere continue the trend of violating God's Law and civil law by granting licenses for sodomite and lesbian blowhard marriages. It started in San Francisco (which has been a godless sodomite city for most of the past century) and then spread to a city in New York and now has spread to Portland, Oregon. Now a city in Brazil has joined the Antichrist craze and is granting municipal licenses for sodomite marriages. Don't expect any help from the courts. Most of the judges in North America and throughout much of the Western world are Luciferian Baphomet worshipping Freemasons and it's part of the Higher Degree Freemasonic agenda to promote sodomy throughout the world. Why? No doubt these blasphemous ceremonies that mock God's plan for humanity (male and female He created them) are intended to bring forth their New Age Masonic Christ (whom the Bible calls Antichrist). Aleister Crowley, one of the founders of the modern devil-worshipping and Satanist movement, openly admitted to practising sodomy. And the reason? Crowley found sodomy to be one of the best acts possible for the invoking of spirits. Of course any spirit invoked by Crowley would be an evil spirit. So if evil spirits can be invoked by practising sodomy, Lucifer's human agents, the Freemasons have done their best to make sure the practise is accepted and even encouraged. By turning the God-ordained institution of marriage into something to celebrate this godless and demonic abomination, they are no doubt raising legions of evil spirits to help bring forth their New Age Masonic Christ. There was a near-miss involving a comet and the earth this past January. That was probably just a warning! The next time, the Earth may be hit as the inhabitants of the planet give social and even religious sanction to such an abominable perversion.

No doubt bouyed by the success of the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy of movies, the mammon worshipping Disney Film Studios have announced they are going to start shooting a live action film version of C.S. Lewis' "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe" in New Zealand of all places (well how about that for a coincidence?). If successful, Disney says it may also film the rest of Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia series. There were seven books in all in Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia series. Of course, when Lewis wrote the original books back in the 1950s, they were Christian in their theme and message. Disney which has made nothing but heavily New Age themed movies since at least 1990, what will they do with Lewis' books? Will they have Aslan the lion telling the children to find "the god within"? Poor 'Jack' Lewis may be rolling over in his grave.

Today marks the 10th anniversary of the death of one of the world's greatest comic actors (and a genuinely kind and warm human being), the late great John Candy. As it says in the old Anglican Book of Common Prayer, "Rest eternal grant him, O Lord, And let Light perpetual shine upon him."

There is now speculation in political circles that Stalinist bisexual feminazi hag Hillary Rodham Clinton would like to be John Kerry's Vice-Presidential running mate. Today Sen. Clinton for the first time formally endorsed Sen. Kerry as her preferred candidate for the nomination less than 24 hours after Kerry had all but won the nomination. The Global Daily Planet has the following advice for the Senator from Massachusetts: Be weary, Kerry. People who are close to the Clintons but stand in the way of their achieving or their holding on to absolute power have the peculiar habit of dying under mysterious circumstances. If you name Hillary as your running mate and you win next November, you might not live to see being re-elected in the year 2008. And Hillary will be running around the White House quoting a line from Shakespeare, "Out, out damned spot." And she won't be talking about the dog or a stain on the White House intern's dress.

The latest polls now show that Neo-Communist US Senator John Forbes Kerry has won in California, Georgia and Minnesota. This means that Kerry won in 9 out of 10 Super Tuesday primaries. The odd state out was Vermont, home of Howard Dean which went for...Howard Dean. As for the West Coast, imagine that, California, the land of nuts and fruits went for Kerry. Of course, so did most of the states in the Democratic races. This means that most of America in the early 21st Century is just as nutty and fruity as California was through most of the late 20th Century.

Neo-Communist US Senator John Forbes Kerry has won "Super Tuesday" primaries in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Ohio, Maryland, Rhode Island and New York. Native son Howard "The Screamer" Dean won the primary in his home state of Vermont even though he officially dropped out of the race last month. Even though other primary results are still to come in, North Carolina Senator John Edwards has already announced that he is dropping out of the race. So it appears that two Yale Skull and Bonesmen will be facing off against one another for the US Presidency next November 2nd, a date that is appropriately marked each year by the Mexicans as the Feast Day of the Dead.

Today is the 100th anniversary of the birth of Glenn Miller.

After watching the Academy Awards last night, this webcaster's respect for Canadian comic actor Jim Carrey has gone up tremendously while the opinion of the intelligence level of most Hollywood celebrities remains confirmed. When Jim Carrey came out last night to present the Lifetime Achievement Award to film producer Blake Edwards, the first thing he did was go up to the microphone and say in an East Indian accent, "Birdy num-num." Carrey looked around the auditorium for a reaction and the cameras panned people sitting in their seats with a puzzled expression on their faces. Again Carrey said in an East Indian accent, "Birdy num-num". Again he looked around for a reaction. Again the cameras panned puzzled expressions on people's faces. This time Carrey phrased it like a pained question in an East Indian accent, "Birdy num-num?". Again blank expressions and confusion appeared on the faces of those in the audience.
An increasingly exasperated Carrey suddenly held out his finger and thumb like a gun and said in an East Indian accent, "Howdy pardner." He again looked around for a reaction and got blank expressions in return. Once again Carrey held out his thumb and finger like a gun and with a tone of desperation in his East Indian voice said, "Howdy pardner." Again blank expressions and puzzled looks from the audience. Carrey formed a gun with his hand one more time and in a mournful sighing questioning tone of East Indian voice said, "Howdy pardner?" More quizzical and confused looks from the audience of Hollywood's elite, modern filmdom's best and brightest.
A thoroughly devastated looking Carrey finally spoke in his normal voice, "Don't mind me. I'm just babbling." Then Carrey added, "Watching Blake Edwards movies as a kid really influenced me a lot and made me who I am today."
The audience was totally oblivious to one of Blake Edwards' greatest films "The Party" and one of classic actor Peter Sellers' greatest roles, the East Indian actor Hrundi V. Bakshi, the greatest fictional movie actor from India in all recorded history. Carrey was reciting some of the greatest lines from that masterpiece film and the audience had no idea what was going on.
The Global Daily Planet couldn't help thinking of a certain conversation between a certain friend of his and a certain young lady a decade ago. The pair were discussing movies. This webcaster's friend was talking about "The Party" with Peter Sellers and the young lady was talking about "Ace Ventura" with Jim Carrey. Eventually the pair parted. If only the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences had gotten Jim Carrey to present Blake Edwards with the Lifetime Achievement Award 10 years ago, this webcaster's friend and the young lady might have discovered that it was Jim Carrey's taste in movies they did have in common. His whole life might have been different.
Already this webcaster can visualize his friend (let's call him Jack) writing a letter to the President of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, "You dirty bum. You miserable low-life..." And as Omar Khayyam would have written of the whole thing, "The moving finger writes, And having writ, moves on..."

The Passion of the Christ went straight to the top of the North American box office chart this past weekend. Mel Gibson's controversial film about Jesus Christ took in an estimated $76.2 million (US) from Friday to Sunday. Anti-Defamation League Executive Director Abraham Foxman must have had a massive bowel movement in his panties when he heard those numbers.

The New Zealand produced, Peter Jackson directed film adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" won 11 Academy Awards including Best Picture last night. In winning 11 Oscars, it tied the record with "Titanic" and "Ben Hur" for the most number of Oscars won. It also became the first motion picture in history to win in every category for which it was nominated--the first clean sweep in Oscar history. Ben Hur and Titanic did not win every award for which they were nominated.

Happy Saint David's Day to all my Welsh friends!