Global Daily Planet

Pravda communist... I mean... columnist Pat Buchanan has written several columns lately whining about the Bush Administration's support of Ukrainian Opposition candidate Viktor Yushchenko who recently won the Ukrainian Presidency in that nation's first fair and square election. Buchanan says this will offend Vladimir Putin (somehow though I don't think Putin is quite the wuss that whiny Buchanan is). History is strange and ironic. First Buchanan was a shill for the Nixon Administration, then he was a shill for the Reagan Administration and now he's a shill for the Putin Adminstration. Who would have thought that an old anti-Communist Cold Warrior like Buchanan would turn into head western cheerleader for a resurgent Russian Stalinism and yet still be able to write columns for conservative US websites as well as write for Pravda?

The death toll in the tsunami disaster that hit Asia has now risen to over 100,000.

In the wake of the tsunami disaster in Asia, a mystery is unfolding in Sri Lanka. Bodies of humans are being found but so far no bodies of animals have been found. As Count Floyd of SCTV fame might put it, "Ooh! Scary! Very scary!".

A red-face Australian man dressed in a mini-skirt had to be rescued by Sydney police after his head became stuck in a clothing donation bin while attempting to drop off clothing. As Crocodile Dundee might well put it, "What a drag!".


Global Daily Planet correspondent Jack Morrow informs this editor, "If that had been a woman stuck in a clothing donation bin wearing a mini-skirt, I'd have jumped right in to rescue her. I suppose that'll be your global news item for the day." So in honour of Mr. Morrow, here's the global news item for the day: If that had been a woman wearing a mini-skirt stuck in that clothing donation bin in Sydney, Australia, Mr. Morrow would have jumped right in to rescue her.


Paul Harvey...g'day.

So far at least 25,000 people have died in Asia as a result of tsunami waves produced by yesterday's 9.0 magnitude earthquake in the region of the Indonesian island of Sumatra. In other news, Opposition candidate Viktor Yushchenko has won yesterday's Presidential election in Ukraine. And it was 100 years today the play Peter Pan was first performed. On December 27th, 1904 the classic masterpiece by Scottish writer J.M. Barrie was performed at the Duke of York Theatre in London.

Global Daily Planet correspondent Jack Morrow informs us that yesterday was the late great British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli's 200th birthday as well as late Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin's 125th birthday. Today current British Prime Minister Tony Blair is in the midst of a visit to the Middle East. Yesterday Mr. Blair gave British troops in Basra, southern Iraq a case of indigestion when he showed up on a surprise visit as they were having dinner. Today Mr. Blair announced that he is in the process of bringing peace to the Israelis and Palestinians. Yesterday US President George W. Bush made a similar pronouncement, the only difference being that Mr. Bush said he would be the one to bring peace to the Israelis and Palestinians. So the race to be the first to become the Antichrist begins.

TIME Magazine has named US President George W. Bush Man of the Year (though in an effort to appease the fat ugly feminazi slobs and hags who disgracingly inhabit this planet (particularly in cities where tire salesmen serve 3 terms as Mayor) the term Person of the Year was used). Other winners of the coveted TIME Magazine Man of the Year awards include Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin.

David Blunkett has resigned as British Home Secretary after an e-mail appeared showing that Blunkett had fast-tracked his ex-lover's nanny's visa application. Rumour has it that Rowan Atkinson (aka Mr. Bean) will play Blunkett in the made for TV movie.

It was 800 years ago today that Moses Maimonides the greatest Jewish scholar of the Middle Ages died. Of course at the time when Maimonides lived, read, wrote and studied, most Jews still believed in God.

Medical doctors in Austria have determined that Ukrainian Opposition leader Viktor Yushchenko was a victim of dioxin poisoning. Earlier this fall, Mr. Yushchenko had come down with a mysterious ailment after he had attended a dinner in which he sat next to the head of the Ukrainian government's Security Intelligence apparatus.

Former New York City Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik has withdrawn as President Bush's nominee to head the Department of Homeland Security. No doubt there is a more appropriate fascist, crypto-Nazi or neo-Communist waiting in the wings to head 21st Century America's equivalent of the Gestapo in the US government's drive to form the New World Order.

Last minute lobbying by neo-Fascist US President George W. Bush led some Republican Congressmen to defeat an amendment to the new National Intelligence Bill. Under terms of the original bill, FBI agents would be able to demand from bookstores and libraries information on what their customers and patrons are reading. The amendment would have killed this particular draconian Orwellian section of the bill. Now spineless conservative Republicans have caved in to Bush and the Orwellian section with regard to books and their readers will go ahead. Of course it's always been the characteristic mark of a totalitarian state to want to know what it is their citizens are reading. Welcome to Jeb Bush's Big Brother America!

The Antichrist senile retarded judges whose sodomite loving behinds disgracingly warm the bench of the Supreme Court of the Sodomite Union (the country formerly known as Canada) today ruled in favour of fag and dyke marriages. This northern land is now under God's curse and headed straight to Hell.

Proof positive that the days of the Antichrist are upon us can be seen in a recent Nativity display that has been put up in London, England. Soccer player David Beckham is Joseph and former Spice Girl Posh Spice is the Virgin Mary. Hugh Grant is one of the shepherds (although I could see someone like Hugh Grant being one of the shepherds). And Tony Blair and George W. Bush are pictured as Wise Men! As Ian Paisley once said in the European Parliament, "Antichrist!". Well Mr. Paisley's remark would certainly top that of the Antichrist ArchDruid of Canterbury Rowan Williams whose limpwristed comment upon hearing of this particular Nativity display was "Oh dear! Oh dear!" (Bugs Bunny should sue for plagiarism!).

Now that scandal continues to surround the son of the globalists' nigger in the woodpile, UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan, there is speculation that Annan may be forced to step down. The replacement that the globalists would like to put in now? None other than that piece of Arkansas white trash William Jefferson "I took the blows and did it my way" Clinton.

Tolerant peace-loving Muslim gunmen have stormed the US Consulate in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. At least 12 people are believed to have died in the attack.

Russian President Vladimir Putin has spent the past few days visiting India and engaging in talks with Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. Putin is hoping to forge a new geopolitical coalition made up of Russia, China, India and Brazil. The Russian leader also invited Indian software companies in India's software capital of Bangalore to set up shop in Russia promising them tax breaks. Putin also said he favours giving India both a permanent seat on the UN Security Council as well as a veto. The Global Daily Planet's India and South Asia correspondent Hrundi V. Bakshi says he would like to see such veto power for his country.

Is it just the Global Daily Planet or has anyone else noticed that there hasn't been too much terrorism going on in Israel now that Yasser Arafag has kicked the bucket?

Today in Kiev, Ukraine's Supreme Court annulled the recent Ukrainian Presidential election agreeing with Opposition claims that the election was fraudulent. The court ordered that a new run-off vote must be held before the end of this month.

It was 200 years ago today that Napoleon Bonaparte crowned himself Emperor of France. At the coronation ceremony held in Paris, Pope Pius VII was present holding the Crown. Napoleon grabbed the crown from the Pope and crowned his own head. Napoleon then turned around and crowned his wife Josephine as Empress. December 2nd, 1804 is a day that shall live in either fame or infamy depending on whether you're a Bonaparte admirer or hater. His several times removed great nephew the 21st Century Socialist politician Charles Napoleon called his several times removed great uncle Napoleon "the founder of modern Europe". Well seeing as how modern Europe is heading in the direction of becoming a totalitarian state, he might have a point there. It's always interesting to note that the greatest military leader that France has produced in the past 200 years wasn't French but Corsican.

Today the Ukrainian Parliament in Kiev passed a motion of non-confidence in the current Ukrainian government.