Global Daily Planet

Today is the 130th anniversary of the birth of Sir Winston Churchill, Britain's greatest Prime Minister and the greatest leader the modern world has ever known. We've just received an e-mail from Harry Woo the Global Daily Planet's Asia correspondent asking, "Who's Winston Churchill?". Well as someone who's roasting away down below (let's call him Adolf Hitler) might comment, "Ja, he was intolerant, ja. He promoted hatred against Nazis, ja. He should have been charged with hate crimes, ja. He made fun of me, ja. He should have had his own talk radio show catering to those with prejudices, ja. Until he came along, I was never subjected to such a penetrating mockery of my ideas in my life, ja."

Baroness Lady Margaret Thatcher (Britain's former Conservative Party Prime Minister) says that a "new Iron Curtain" appears to be descending across Ukraine.

At a ceremony held in Rome today, Pope John Paul II returned the relics of Saint John Chrysostom and Saint Gregory Nazianzen to Orthodox Patriarch Bartholomew I of Constantinople. St. John Chrysostom (349-407) and St. Gregory Nazianzen (330-390) were both Doctors of the Church and early Patriarchs of Constantinople. The relics were originally stolen from Constantinople 800 years ago this year when a group of marauding and papally blessed Crusader thugs sacked Constantinople in 1204.

Now that a grilled cheese sandwich said to bear the image of the Virgin Mary has been sold for $28,000 US on eBay, a man in the Canadian province of Ontario is now claiming he has a fried fish stick with the image of Jesus on it. No word yet on whether a package of baloney has formed a picture of Bill Clinton on it.

Pro-Viktor Yushchenko rallies continue throughout the streets of Kiev.

Supporters of Opposition Presidential candidate Viktor Yushchenko continue to throng the streets of Kiev the Ukrainian capital in protest of the fraudulent Presidential election results from last Sunday's Presidential election which was rigged in favour of the Government supported Presidential candidate Viktor Yanukovich. Yesterday, Yushchenko the man who is believed to have actually won the election took his oath of office on a 300-year-old Ukrainian Bible in the Parliament Building in Kiev, Ukraine.

A toasted grilled cheese sandwich said to bear an image of the Virgin Mary has been sold for $28,000 US on the eBay auction website. The buyer was the internet casino, Goldenpalace.com.

It was on this day back in 1963 that US President John Fitzgerald Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas. America and the world have never been the same since. Back when Kennedy was President, women wore skirts and dresses (and men didn't!), sodomites were in the closet where they belong and abortion was illegal. Those were the days my friend.

Russian President Vladimir Putin begins a three-day trip to Brazil tomorrow. President Putin hopes to form a new power bloc in the world-- one made up of Russia, China, India and Brazil (those 4 nations together make up 3/4 of the world's population). The Russian President will promote the formation of this new international coalition in talks with Brazilian President Luis Inacio Lula da Silva. Putin sees this new bloc as being equal in power to the United States and the European Union.

Britain's Prince William the eldest son of Charles Prince of Wales and the late Princess Diana told a BBC Interview that if he joins the British Army upon graduation from Saint Andrews University in Scotland, he would not shirk fighting at the front line of battle. In making this statement, you can tell that His Highness Prince William is definitely a Prince of Britain and not a Prince of France.

America under George W. Bush... the abortion-loving Republican Senator from Pennsylvania Arlen Specter has been named Chairman of the US Senate Judiciary Committee where he'll veto any pro-life judicial nominees, the US Senate is introducing a Bush Administration-backed bill where there'll be mandatory psychological testing of all school-aged children without parental consent and the eventual imposition of the so-called "NAFTA on Steroids" Plan whereby the national sovereignty of the US, Mexico and Canada will go out the window to be replaced by a North American equivalent of the European Union. But in Rev. Jerry Fatwhale's opinion it could be worse... John Kerry could have been President. The good Reverend obviously prefers to see America sodomized by a Texas good old boy rather than a Massachusetts elitist liberal.

The spectre of Antichrist has been hatched. Utah's Mormon moron Senator Orrin Hatch (Republican) has thrown his support behind pro-abortion liberal Republican Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania to chair the Senate Judiciary Committee. Specter, if he's granted the Chairmanship of that Committee, will abuse that position to effectively kill the nomination of any pro-life judges to the US Supreme Court. It's no suprise that moron Hatch (the worshipper of extraterrestrial beings who orginate from a planet near the star Kolob according to Mormon theology) would support a loser like Specter. The Nazi fascist Imperial Phoenix hatcher has already dirtied his Mormon masonic magical underwear in the past by teaming up with Communist fat slob Teddy Kennedy of Massachusetts to draft a Senate bill that would make it a hate crime to criticize sodomites and their perverted sexual behaviour. Such is America under George W. Bush! John Kerry, for all his dishonesty, was at least honest about supporting abortion and sodomy. Bush on the other hand was not! And now this pro-abortion, pro-sodomite Big Brother of the Patriot Act doesn't have to face voters again. Instead of voting for Michael Peroutka and the Constitution Party, most US Christians voted for the abortion-loving sodomite in the Bush!

Frog President Jacques Chirac of the Land of Adolf Hitler, Jerry Lewis and Yasser Arafag Lovers has called on British Prime Minister Tony Blair to end his alliance with the United States. The neo-Vichy Frenchman said Britain had gained nothing from the Iraq War (Frogland on the other hand lost everything in the Iraq War since French oil companies made billions from Saddam in the UN's so-called oil for food program). He said in the interview that he expects little from the United States these days (that's good because he's going to get little. In fact he's going to get nothing). The bald-headed geriatric Viagara-using leader of the world's most useless country also said that a frog-sauerkraut dominated European Union will become a fifth force on the world stage to compete with the Americans, the Russians, the Chinese and the "savage, barbaric Muslim world" (the latter quote are my words and not those of the Frog President). It's time for America to wake up and smell the coffee (or at least the true odour of the unwashed French!). France is no longer a friend and ally of the United States of America (if it ever truly was!). France should be regarded as much an enemy of America as the camel-dung eating ragheads of the Middle East.

Today Colin Powell resigned as US Secretary of State.

Antichrist Episcopalian Bishop and godless pervert prelate Vicki Gene Robinson of New Hampshire gave a recent speech at Colby College in Augusta, Maine in which he blasted Bush's re-election and the Religious Right. Snivelled the hairdresser with the mitre, "We have let them hijack the Bible. It is our book, and these are our stories, and we cannot let them be misused." Well actually, Mother Vicki queerest, the Bible is in fact the Word of God and not the word of sodomites. So the stories don't belong to you and your kind who turned to salt when Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed. And don't get your episcopal mascara tears running down your cheeks (both upper and lower) over the re-election of President Bush. Bush showed his true colours after the Moral Values voters put him into office when he appointed the pro-abortion wetback (as opposed to authentic Latino) Alberto Gonzalez as US Attorney-General. Bush would have done better to appoint cartoon character Speedy Gonzalez instead of this neo-Fascist joker.

Hats off to the most courageous political leader on the planet today, Australian Prime Minister John Howard! Mister Howard has never been afraid to call a spade a spade. During the recent Australian national election, Mister Howard was quite vocal in his opposition to sodomite marriages and wasn't at all wishy-washy on the issue (unlike a certain US politician much beloved by the US Christian right... let's call him... George W. !) . Now in the midst of the thoroughly nauseating glowing tributes being paid by world leaders to the late Nobel Peace Prize winning father of modern terrorism Yasser Arafag, Mister Howard is the only world leader who condemned Mister Arafag for what he was. Howard described Arafag as a man whom "history will judge very harshly". And not only history! Last night as an airhead woman TV news reporter described the chaotic scene in Ramallah as Arafag's coffin was going throught the crowd, she said, "Arafat (she misspronounced his true name) would have loved it." Well-- d-uh! Yeah! Where Arafag is now, he'd love being anywhere else, even a hot Turkish steam bath (on second thought, Arafag would really love a hot Turkish steam bath). But where he is now, it's a little too hot for comfort.

A state funeral was held today in Cairo, Egypt for the Palestinian terrorist, mass murderer and sodomite Yasser Arafag. Arafag who was the father of modern terrorism was later buried (face downwards we hope so he can see where he's going!) in Ramallah. The brainless Palestinians are busy weeping and gnashing their teeth over the death of the man who turned down (back in July 2000) any chance the Palestinians will have had of forming a state with East Jerusalem as the capital. Kofi Annan, Antichrist Saint Jimmy Carter, the New York Times, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation and the French are weeping oceanloads of tears over the death of this AIDS infested scumbag. Leftists and liberals throughout the world are in a thorough state of shock! First Kerry's election defeat and now this! Talk about the troubles of Job revisited as far as they're concerned. On the other hand, the Prozac industry has never had it so good. The Global Daily Planet, for one, is rejoicing over the death of the late Mister Arafag. As Proverbs 11:10 says, "When the wicked perish, there is shouting (for joy!)". Israelis have been dancing in the streets over the news of Arafag's death. Perhaps Gaza's Jewish settlers can mark the celebration by blowing up the Dome On the Rock and the al-Aqsa Mosque.

Kofi Annan the scumbag Secretary-General of the Communist New Age United Nations has directed that the despicable UN flag be flown at half-mast in honour of that AIDS infested piece of garbage, the late Palestinian terrorist, mass murderer and sodomite Yasser Arafag. There is also concern in Israel that some Palestinian body-snatchers might try to steal Arafag's body and try to bury it in Jerusalem. Israeli Mossad agents could solve this problem by stealing Arafag's body themselves, cremating it and then flushing the ashes down the toilet in some sodomite homosexual bath house in France, Germany or Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

And speaking of burying people face downwards so they can see where they're going... this just in... the Palestinian Authority has officially announced that Palestinian terrorist leader Yasser Arafag has kicked the bucket. Mister Arafag was the biggest terrorist of modern times and a mass-murderer who was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize by a committee made up of brainless Scandinavians. He was a man who would have wiped the Jews off the face of the Earth if he could. He was a staunch admirer of Adolf Hitler, an admiration he inherited from his uncle the pro-Nazi Grand Mufti of Jerusalem, Haj Amin al-Husseini. Mister Arafag was greatly beloved by the French, the Germans, the Belgians and the European Union. George W. Bush will no doubt say, "God bless his soul" (I wonder if the Prime Minister of Israel will say the same thing about Osama bin Laden when he kicks the bucket). Mister Arafag was a practising sodomite who often engaged in orgies with his ever-so masculine and muscular bodyguards. Mister Arafag also enjoyed sodomizing young boys. As a result of his sodomizing proclivities and perversions, the old bugger finally succumbed to AIDS although don't expect to see that put on his tombstone.

The sodomite-loving, abortion-loving feminazi hag lesbian Deputy Prime Minister and ugly looking goosestepping bitch of a Minister of Gestapo Public Security who goes by the innocuous human sounding name of Anne McClelland up in the Witch-controlled Sodomite Union (the country formerly known as Canada) says the Province of Alberta will not be allowed to opt-out of sodomite marriage laws when the Antichrist Luciferian Liberal government in Ottawa brings in its sodomite and lesbian blowhard marriage legislation. Alberta had thought it would opt-out of this blasphemy to the Most High God and mockery of marriage. No word yet on whether any adherent of the old Canada (that existed 40 years ago prior to the establishment of the Sodomite Union) has moved in to assassinate the old hag. If they do, hopefully they'll remember to bury her face downwards along with Yasser Arafag so they can both see where they're going.

It was 15 years ago today that the Berlin Wall came down.

The Global Daily Planet has it on good authority that Palestinian terrorist leader Yasser Arafag kicked the bucket croaking of AIDS in the frog city of Paris, France last Friday, November 5th. The death has been covered up because the incompetent Palestinian Authority still hasn't figured out how to announce his croaking (particularly when it's from AIDS) to the Palestinian people. How about "Yasser has kicked the bucket" if they can't bring themselves to say "The old bugger (who was quite literally that!) has croaked of AIDS"? Suha Arafat the late sodomite's wife (whom he married for appearances) is anxious to get her hand on her late husband's billions (that he stole from the Palestinian people with money given from the EU and the UN) and so she gave a long Howard Dean-style screaching rant to the Al-Jazeera Television Network in which she said that Palestinian cabinet ministers want to bury her husband alive. Soap operas meet reality TV.

With the dust from the US Presidential election over and leftists and liberals still whining about how the Religious Right turned out to be bigger than the Irreligious Wrong, there is talk among some of these abortion-loving, sodomite-loving maniacs of moving to Paul Martin's Sodomite Union (the country formerly known as Canada). Well, there's probably one huge leftist that the Canadian beef and cattle industry would like to see move to Canada. Since the US market has been closed to Canadian beef cattle for the past year-and-a-half because one cow with BSE (mad cow disease) was found, that industry is now in serious financial trouble. If fat slob Communist filmmaker Michael Moore were to move to Canada, he would single-handedly keep the Canadian beef and cattle industry alive. Cattle ranchers would say, like that new slogan for McDonald's, "I'm lovin' it."

To paraphrase a line from the late 1970s Mel Brooks movie "The Last Re-Make of Beau Geste", Palestinian terrorist leader Yasser Arafag is still alive and dying.

Now that the US Presidential election is over, the US military is gearing up for a major assault on the Iraqi city of Fallujah.

Memo to the US Democratic Party: It's the moral values, stupid! US President George W. Bush became the first incumbent President since Franklin Delano Roosevelt in 1936 to increase his own party's majority in both the Senate and House of Representatives as well as increase his own popular vote. Numerous state governorships also went Republican. And many of those Republicans who won were pro-life, anti-sodomite marriage Republicans not the so-called "moderate" (which is leftspeak for pro-abortion and pro-sodomite) Republicans who appeal to members of the idiot left. The only notable exception was Illinois where pro-life, anti-sodomite marriage African-American Republican Alan Keyes was defeated by pro-abortion, pro-sodomite nigger Democrat Barack Obama (who's pro-Communist and pro-Muslim jihadi as well). Of course this is Illinois we're talking about (it has to be a state somewhat intellectually challenged or Oprah Winfrey wouldn't want to live there!).

Also in 11 out of 11 states where they voted on propositions banning sodomite and lesbian blowhard marriages , all 11 states voted overwhelmingly in favour of such bans (even liberal Oregon).

Now the Democrats brainless as ever are talking about running Howard Dean or Hillary Rodham Clinton the next time around. Over the hill middle-aged rappers such as Dean are never going to be elected President and if a Trotskyite like Kerry can't win the Presidency, what makes them think that a hardline Stalinist (who looks like the Wicked Witch of the East in the Wizard of Oz) like Hillary will win?

No, the Democrats' big mistake is supporting abortion and fag rights. At one time, the Democrats claimed to be the party for helping the poor. Nothing wrong with helping the poor. But a question for the Democrats... how does murdering unborn babies and telling sodomites they're normal and not the sexually anatomically challenged perverts that they are... how does that help the poor? Making the eugenics-minded fascist pigs at Planned Parenthood into billionaires and telling some fruity nutcase that he can marry his equally fruity hairdresser, how does that put bread on the table of some family whose household income is less than $10,000 a year? No, the truth of the matter is the Democrats have become a party of elitist crack cocaine-snorting hedonists and to justify their wealthy crack cocaine-snorting hedonist lifestyle, they pretend to be concerned about the poor when really all they want to do is help themselves and their fellow hedonists like abortionists and sodomites.

Neo-Communist John Forbes Kerry has conceded defeat to US President George W. Bush in the US Presidential election. Abortionists, sodomites, Hollywood airhead celebrities and leftists and liberals everywhere in the US are undoubtedly in desperate need of Prozac. And it couldn't happen to a nicer more despicable bunch of people. Fat slob Communist filmmaker Michael Moore will be putting antidepressant spread on the vast quantity of quadruple patty cheeseburgers he consumes each day. And the French... oh sheer delight!... the French will be beside themselves in outrage. The world's most useless country undoubtedly had the largest national bowel movement in all recorded history when Kerry conceded defeat. And the Muslim jihadi terrorists ranging from your average run-of-the-mill Gaza street Palestinian scumbag to your ISI (Pakistani Inter-Services Intelligence)-protected Osama bin Scumbag are undoubtedly angry as well since a President Kerry would have taken on the Muslim terrorists about as well as he took on the Viet Cong as a young man. The regimes governing North Korea and Iran can now kiss their asses good-bye. Next stop for the Bush Administration... Pyongyang and Tehran.

While we await the results of the US Presidential election, the Global Daily Planet has it on good authority (from people who should really know) that Palestinian Authority terrorist leader Yasser Arafag is dying of AIDS. While Mr. Arafag has kept it carefully hidden from the Arab and Islamic world (but is well known by the Intelligence Services of Russia, Bulgaria, Romania and Israel), Mr. Arafag is a homosexual sodomite with a penchant for sodomizing young boys. And so the sodomizing old pederast is now dying of AIDS...in what more appropriate country than France! Good riddance!