Global Daily Planet

In the Euro 2004 Cup Soccer Football Semi-Finals held today in Lisbon, the home team of Portugal (home country of the new New Age post-Vatican II interfaith paganistic shrine to Mary at Fatima) defeated Holland (home country of obnoxious Dutch Calvinism and legalized brothels) 2-1. Portugal, which started this tournament with an unforeseen first game loss to Greece, now advances to the Euro 2004 Finals.

Pope John Paul II met with Patriarch Bartholomew I of Constantinople in the City of Rome today for the Feast Day of Saint Peter and Saint Paul. The ecumenical meeting is taking place exactly 40 years to the day that Pope Paul VI met with Patriarch Athenagoras of Constantinople. That meeting 40 years ago was the first in over a millenium between a Bishop of Rome and a Patriarch of Constantinople. The Patriarch of Constantinople better think twice about moving too close to Rome because in all likelihood the next Pope will be the prophecied False Prophet of the Luciferian New World Order. The next Pope will probably make the following "infallible" ex cathedra papal pronouncement: That abortion and sodomy are to be regarded as human rights and furthermore all Roman Catholics everywhere are to believe that Jesus was only a Messiah (not even THE Messiah) and definitely not God the Son Incarnate as the Church erroneously taught for centuries and that furthermore Roman Catholics everywhere are to believe that he married Mary Magdalene and had children from her, that the Merovingian dynasty of France was descended from that marriage and that furthermore one of those descendants is alive and well and living in the world today and that at a future time the Pope as Peter's Successor will acclaim him as the true Messiah and avatar of all religions. Christians everywhere must avoid this blasphemy to be proclaimed by John Paul II's successor.

The Antichrist is alive and well and enjoying immense popular support in the Sodomite Union (the country formerly known as Canada). The Antichrist Luciferian Liberal Party of the abortion-loving sodomite-loving scumbag Paul Martin has swept to power in Canada albeit with a minority government. It was the Antichrist province of Ontario that put the satanic Mr. Martin over the top. Mr. Martin, aided by his New Age pagan Earth-worshipping nutcase advisor Maurice Strong, will continue to integrate the Sodomite Union into the emerging satanic New World Order of the 21st Century. If the neo-Communist John Forbes Kerry wins the US Presidential election in November as seems likely, the two satanists will probably work together to unite the North American continent as one of the final 10 world geographical regions of the Luciferian New World Order.

Breaking news...this just in...the United States has handed over sovereignty to Iraq two days ahead of schedule.

A study by Israeli physicians released this past week concluded that Lenin's violent mood swings were caused by syphilis. The Israelis studied the medical reports of doctors who treated the Bolshevik leader in Europe. Apparently the founder of the Soviet Union had been given salvarsan, a drug used specifically to combat the sexually-transmitted disease. I wonder what doctors in the future will say caused the mood swings of a more recent Bolshevik (let's call him Bill Clinton).

Muslim terrorists in Iraq are threatening to behead three Turkish hostages unless all Turkish owned companies and businesses withdraw from Iraq within 72 hours.

Joyful news to report from the Euro 2004 Cup Soccer Football Tournament in Lisbon, Portugal. The great and heroic nation of Greece defeated the cowardly country of France in the quarter-finals today. That means the pompous and arrogant French are now out of the tournament. Hear! Hear! The final score of the great Greeks over the fruity French was 1-0.

Today, Muslim terrorists in Iraq launched multiple attacks that killed over 100 people in five different Iraqi cities.

Former US President William Jefferson "Scumbag" Clinton appeared on Oprah yesterday where he received much love and affection from America's negro New Age goddess and her devoted legion of worshippers. I'm not going to talk about Bill Clinton committing high treason against the United States by illegally selling US nuclear technology secrets to the People's Republic of China in order to finance his 1996 re-election campaign. No, I'm not going to mention that. I'm not going to talk about Bill Clinton's probable involvement in the murders of White House presidential advisor Vince Foster and US Secretary of Commerce Ron Brown. No, I'm not going to mention that. I'm not going to talk about Bill Clinton not bothering with offers from Sudan and Afghanistan to extradite Osama bin Laden to the United States because he was too busy receiving mouth-to-you-know-what resuscitation from White House interns (Viagara hadn't come on the market yet!). No, I'm not going to mention that. I am going to mention he was greeted as a homecoming hero promoting his new book on the Oprah Winfrey Show.

Muslim terrorists in Iraq have beheaded their South Korean hostage. The body of translator Kim Sun-il, 33, was found between Baghdad and Falluja. In carrying out the execution, the Arab barbarians are following the teaching of the founder of their religion, the Pervert Mohammed who also got off on cutting people's heads off.

Muslim terrorists in Iraq have threatened to kill a South Korean hostage within 24 hours unless South Korea pulls its troops out of Iraq.

US President George W. Bush who has taken quite a hit in opinion polls recently due to the War In Iraq has received support from an unexpected source. Russian President Vladimir Putin (a former head of the KGB) said that Russian Intelligence was aware that Iraqi President Saddam Hussein was planning terrorist attacks on the American mainland in the wake of 9/11.

Earlier this week, fat slob neo-Communist Teddy Kennedy launched a scathing personal attack on Pope John Paul II for wanting to prohibit giving Communion to pro-abortion pro-sodomite scumbags such as Teddy himself and fellow Massachusetts Sen. John Forbes Kerry. Kennedy said the Pope had endorsed Chilean President Augusto Pinochet and was therefore in no position to make moral judgements on politicians and their beliefs. In fact, the Pope had condemned the Pinochet regime's violation of human rights when he visited Chile back in the late '80s. It appears that the boozer and womanizer from Boston has about much knowledge of Chilean history and Augusto Pinochet as does Ralph Klein the neo-Nietzschean Premier of the Canadian province of Alberta, which is to say, none at all.

Tolerant peace-loving al-Qaeda Muslim terrorists have beheaded Paul Johnson, 49, the American they had been holding hostage in Saudi Arabia.

Rock superstar and Material Girl Madonna has decided to rename herself Esther in conjunction with her study of the form of Jewish mysticism known as Kabbalah and in accordance with that study, she wants to attach herself to the energy of a different name. In Jewish history, Esther was the name of the Jewish Queen of Persia who encouraged her husband the King of Persia to put an end to the Holocaust planning antics of Persia's Prime Minister, Haman, a man who was the Persian Adolf Hitler of his day. As for Madonna studying Kabbalism and changing her name to Esther, it may be wise to recall what the Jewish rabbis of the Middle Ages said about the study of Kabbalah. It was the opinion of medieval rabbinic scholars that no person should study Kabbalistic mysticism before they reach the age of 50. Otherwise, the rabbis felt that to study Kabbalah before then would drive a person insane. One final note: Madonna is only in her mid-40s.

A meeting of the Shanghai Cooperation Council took place today in the Uzbekistan capital of Tashkent. The group formed last year is a security pact alliance made up of Russia, China and the four Central Asian republics of Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan and Uzbekistan. It was formed to counter the growing US military presence in Central Asia, the Black Sea region and the Middle East. Russian President Vladimir Putin and Chinese President Hu Jintao both attended the meeting. The world hot spots of Iraq, Iran, Taiwan and North Korea were undoubtedly discussed at the meeting.

Iran's resident Muslim theocratic despot, the Ayatollah Ali Khameini says his country shall now start enriching even more uranium than before as his nation's response to the International Atomic Energy Commission's decision that Iran was in violation of several provisions of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.

Leaders' debates were held tonight during the Canadian national election campaign. The abortion-loving sodomite-loving satanist Paul Martin, leader of the Luciferian Liberal Party of Canada, made it clear that the rights of women to murder their unborn children (although the bloodthirsty nature of the act is hidden under the nice pleasant-sounding euphemisms of "freedom of choice" and "a woman's right to choose") and the rights of sodomites to have their sexually anatomically challenged perverted relationships be granted legal and sacramental sanction were by far the most important rights to be protected by the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms in Mr. Martin's opinion. Although the Charter does not mention abortion or sodomite rights, Mr. Martin says it's up to the Courts to decide what a right is. The Supreme Court of Canada has nine members who are all appointed by the Prime Minister's Office with no public hearings into the opinions and ideologies held by each judicial appointee. So nine unelected people decide what a right is in a country made up of over 36 million people. There's a word for such a system. It's totalitarian dictatorship.

Another Palestinian terrorist leader has bit the dust. Israel has assassinated Khalil Marshud the Nablus head of the terrorist Al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigade of the terrorist Fatah organization of the terrorist Yasser Arafat. The attack was carried out by an Israeli Air Force attack helicopter.

Another observation that occurred to the editor of the Global Daily Planet earlier this morning...



Homosexuality and lesbianism is society's way of fulfilling the sexual desires of Narcissus of Greek mythology. Since at this point in time, it is impossible for one to make love to one's self, one tries the next best thing and makes love to the same gender as one's self.

An observation that occurred to the editor of the Global Daily Planet earlier this morning...


A village with its particular lifestyle and sense of community and everything that a village represents and stands for can only work at the level of... a village (which remember is smaller than a town which in turn is smaller than a city). To those who endeavour to build a global village, they shall end up building a global prison instead.

In the Canadian national election campaign, the country's pablum-puking liberals and leftists are apparently upset with Conservative Party of Canada Leader Stephen Harper for mentioning the fact that sodomite rights isn't even mentioned in the Canadian Constitution. But they whine and snivel the fact that the country's senile retarded judges read sodomite rights into the Constitution in judicial decisions back in the mid-1990s surely put sodomite rights in there. No it doesn't. The fact that unelected political hack judges are using their unelected positions to impose their own personal perverted degenerate agenda on Canada's citizenry doesn't mean that sodomite rights are actually inherent in the country's Constitution. One fat lesbian blowhard newspaper columnist suggested that if sodomite rights aren't read into the Canadian Constitution, this would mean a rollback in the civil rights of everyone. Nonsense. Millenia ago, King David's City of Jerusalem did not tolerate sodomite rights. The perverted degenerate city of Sodom did. Which city is still left standing in the world today?

North Korea has tested an intercontinental ballistic missile capable of hitting the United States according to South Korean reports. The Taepodong 2 missile test was carried out last month. It can reach up to 3,700 miles, enough to reach Alaska. All right, what depraved sick mad scientists and technicians gave paranoid North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il the recipe for Baked Alaska?

A state funeral was held at the Washington National Cathedral in the US capital today for Ronald Wilson Reagan the 40th President of the United States of America. Presiding over the service was Rev. John Danforth a former US Senator turned Episcopal priest. The pews were filled with numerous current and former leaders. British Prime Minister Tony Blair was there as was former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev, former US President George Bush, current US President George W. Bush and a pompous arrogant former Prime Minister of Canada who would probably like his name mentioned as well.

The world has lost a great artist. Legendary Rhythem and Blues musician Ray Charles has passed away at the age of 73 in Los Angeles. The 12-time Grammy winner lived to play his 10,000th concert on May 23rd of last year in Los Angeles. This Global Daily Planet editor shall never forget staying overnight at a hotel owned by talk show host great Merv Griffin in the town of Mesquite, Nevada. My father and I were sitting at a table in a quiet little lounge in the center of the hotel. We were the only two customers in the lounge. There was a piano up on stage. And who should suddenly take the stage but the great Ray Charles himself. My father and I were still the only two customers in the lounge but being the performer that Ray Charles was, he still put on a show. And what a show it was. It didn't matter whether he was playing to a crowd of 2 or 2,000 Ray Charles gave it all he had. I'm pleased to be able to say that my father and I had our own private concert from Ray Charles. Farewell Ray. Rest in peace. And thank you for the music.

London's world-famous Harrods Department Store has issued an apology to its customers and Hindu religious groups for selling controversial underwear bearing images of Hindu goddesses. Harrods removed the underwear from sale after a protest by a Hindu lobby group. So thanks to Harrods action we will be spared a 21st Century remake of an old Mae West movie where a heroine utters the line, "Is that a Hindu goddess in your underwear or are you just glad to see me?".

In the Canadian national election, the Liberal Party of Canada continues its metamorphosis into the Liberal Party of Lucifer. The Luciferian Liberals who are now trailing in the polls are now in desperation trying to make abortion an issue. Previously the major campaign issues had been the state of health care and the levels of taxation in Canada. However today Liberal feminazi hags were rushing around the streets of Toronto, Ontario handing out pamphlets saying that the Conservative Party of Canada was a threat to women's freedom because some Conservative Party backbenchers might introduce a private member's bill on abortion in the Canadian House of Commons. Of course the Luciferian Liberals are acting on the arrogant assumption that all women are feminazi hag witches who support abortion. That is not true of all women. All Canadian women are not like Anne McLelland the physically unattractive Minister of the Department of Public Safety (the Canadian Robespierre of the 21st Century). Antichrist Prime Minister Paul Martin once again sang his praises of abortion while speaking to the press on a flight down to the G-8 Summit in Sea Island, Georgia, USA. Meanwhile the courageous Roman Catholic Bishop of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, Bishop Fred Henry took Antichrist Paul Martin to task. Henry noted that the hypocratical Martin claims to be a devout Catholic and yet supports abortion and sodomite marriages. Henry called Martin a "morally incoherent person".

Earlier today in the beautiful Italian city of Milan, Italian police and security forces swooped down and arrested a Muslim terrorist known as "Mohamad the Egyptian". Mohamad the Egyptian is believed to be the mastermind of the 3/11 Madrid train bombings that killed 191 people in the Spanish capital. The US should consider sending Italian police and security forces to the wild border region of Afghanistan and Pakistan to look for Osama bin Laden and his top cohorts since they seem to do a lot faster job at finding these Muslim terrorist masterminds than do the Keystone Cops of the FBI and CIA.

In the current Canadian national election campaign, both Canadian Liberal Prime Minister Paul Martin and Canadian New Democratic Party leader Jack Layton are showing themselves to be out and out Apostles of the Antichrist. Both sleazebags spent the day attacking Conservative Party of Canada leader Stephen Harper over the fact he might use the Canadian Constitution's notwithstanding clause to overrule the unelected political hack judges on issues like abortion and sodomite marriages. Paul Martin has always been a Luciferian, a trait he inherited from his father. As for Mr. Layton, he showed the world the extent of his satanic depravity by actually having the gall to praise abortion and sodomy during a photo-op at a Vancouver, BC day care centre while kids were present. Too bad the kids didn't throw their paint-by-number paints at the sick bastard.

With the recent Muslim terrorist attacks in the Saudi Arabian city of Khobar, analysts are now predicting that Russia will soon become the oil king and leader of world global crude-oil export markets.

Israeli warplanes have struck a Palestinian terrorist camp just outside the Lebanese capital of Beirut. It's the first time in several years that Israel has struck so deeply inside Lebanon. Following last week's seizure by Turkish authorities of a ship carrying sophisticated weaponry from Ukraine to Egypt bound for an unknown group, Israel is taking no chances these days. The terrorists of Lebanon and Gaza have something big planned against Israel and that's why the Israeli military has been so ferocious in their dealings in Gaza last month.

Today marks the 60th Anniversary of D-Day, the invasion of Normandy, which led to the liberation of Western Europe from Naziism. To those who perished on the 1st D-Day and those who lived to return for the 60th, well done thou good and faithful servants!

You know that the Roman Catholic Church is well on its way to becoming the apotheosis of the embodiment of the Whore of Babylon prophecied in Scripture when the Vatican's top doctrinal watchdog Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger is starting to waffle on the issue of abortion. The man who issued a proclamation back in June 2000 denying that the Third Secret of Fatima prophecied that Satan would one day be in control of the Vatican but said that it only referred to the 1981 assassination attempt on John Paul's life has now told visiting US bishops that he feels uncomfortable about denying Communion to Catholic politicians who support abortion and sodomite rights. Ratzinger made these remarks in spite of the fact that Pope John Paul II gave a speech yesterday strongly condemning abortion and same-sex marriage as "self-centered demands" that are part and parcel of the selfishness inherent in modern US society. The Global Daily Planet feels that it can safely predict that the next papal conclave will make the split in the 2000 US Presidential election look like a Royal Tea Party instead of the Boston Tea Party that the next papal conclave will be.

Breaking news...the world has lost a great American. Former US President Ronald Reagan, a staunch opponent of the satanic ideologies of abortion and Communism, has passed away at his home in California. Farewell Ronnie. The Gipper has gone. And the Zipper (Bill Clinton) remains. (Sigh!).

During the current Canadian national election campaign, Canada's most pre-eminent Apostle of the Antichrist, the high-pitched whiny voiced and big-nosed Jewish abortionist Doctor Herod Morgentaler, has written a letter to Conservative Party of Canada leader Stephen Harper whining about Mr. Harper's decision to allow private members' bills on issues like abortion for which there would be free (non-partisan) votes allowed in the Canadian House of Commons. The fascist Nazi Auschwitz commandant-like pig Doctor Morgentaler would rather allow 9 senile retarded old fools in long black robes (whose abortion-loving heads and sodomite-loving behinds grace the benches of the Supreme Court of Canada) make the law for Canadians rather than the freely elected Members of Parliament voting their consciences and/or constituents' wishes on issues like abortion. Morgentaler should be deported back to the Nazi German Fatherland of his birth where people of his ilk belong.

It was 15 years ago today that mainland China's Communist government mowed down pro-democracy student demonstrators with tanks in Beijing's Tiananmen Square.

It was 25 years ago today that Joe Clark the stupidest man ever to hold the office of Prime Minister of Canada was sworn in as Prime Minister of Canada. The bumbling idiot who said "I'm going to govern as if I have a majority government" (even though he didn't!) has been compared to a man who jumps out of an airplane without a parachute saying, "I'm going to jump as if I had a parachute."

It was 30 years ago tonight that the Cleveland Indians held their first (and last!) 10 cent beer night. As W.C. Fields would have said if he saw the display of raucus fans on the baseball field, "Ah yes, probably drinking too much."

United States Central Intelligence Agency Director George Tenet has decided to do the world a favour and resign as Director of the American CIA. Mr. Tenet, who was appointed CIA Director by Bill "Open Zipper" Clinton back in 1997 and kept on as CIA Director by Bush Jr. in 2001, presided over the agency's intelligence failures prior to 9/11 and presided over the agency's intelligence failures prior to the Iraq War. Mr. Tenet has decided to spare the world the results of any more of his intelligence and has hit the road. He's one Tenet most landlords are probably happy to be rid of.

Francis Cardinal George the Archbishop of Chicago told Pope John Paul II in a meeting in Rome yesterday that the freedom of the Roman Catholic Church in the United States is "now threatened by movements within" the Church and "by government and groups outside". While not identifying those groups by name, there was little doubt that the Cardinal was talking about pro-sodomite and pro-abortion groups within the Church as well as America's abortion-loving sodomite-loving judiciary and various pro-abortion pro-sodomite politicians (mainly the Clintons (Bill and the old hag) as well as John Kerry, Teddy Kennedy and almost the entire Democratic Party).

Mel Gibson's next movie will be about the early British warrior queen Boudicca who led a revolt against the Romans back in the 1st Century AD. The movie to be made by Gibson's Icon Production Company will be called "Warrior". No doubt the Anti-Defamation League's constipated executive director, Abraham Foxman will have something nasty to say about that film as well.