Global Daily Planet

A British genaeology firm is claiming that both George W. Bush and John Forbes Kerry are descended from Dracula (also known as Vlad Tepes, Vlad the Impaler and Prince Vlad III of Wallachia). As Count Floyd of SCTV fame might say, "Ooh! Scary! Very scary!" Happy Halloween from the Global Daily Planet!

It was on this day back in 1938 (66 years ago--a devilish number) that the famous Orson Welles broadcast of the War of the Worlds was heard on CBS Radio. Millions of Americans were convinced that a Martian invasion of Earth was under way. Today with Bush or Kerry about to assume power with all those nice powers of the Patriot Acts I and II behind them, America might be better off with Martians. As CBS News anchorman Dan Rather is reduced to a greyish goo gob live on television (so appropriate for Mr. Rather), a voice from 66 years ago is heard in the background asking in a deep baritone, "Isn't there anyone on the air? Isn't there anyone on the air?..."

The biggest Muslim terrorist scumbag of them all, Osama bin Laden, decided to make an early appearance for Halloween this year. The bearded camel dung eater made a videotaped appearance on al-Jazeera television saying that US security depends on neither Bush nor Kerry but on US foreign policy. Bin Laden blamed US foreign policy for the September 11th attacks. Bin Laden also claimed responsibility for the September 11th attacks. How fat obese Communist slob Michael Moore will be able to reconcile that with his belief that the US government itself was responsible for the 9/11 attacks or how Texas based conspiracy theorist nutcase Texe Marrs will be able to reconcile that with his belief that the Jews are responsible for the 9/11 attacks remains to be seen. Of course it's Muslim jihadis who are responsible for the 9/11 attacks. The fact they follow a false god, a false prophet and a false religion is responsible for most of the problems in the Middle East, Africa and Asia today. If they worshipped the true God Elohim-Yahweh-Shekhinah (God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit) instead of the ancient Arabian pagan moon god of human sacrifice Allah and his child molesting perverted follower Mohammed, they would realize that the descendants of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob have a historical right to live in the Holy Land. But they don't and so they are responsible for the resulting bloodshed and violence in the Middle East.

Anyone who never bought the Global Daily Planet's theory that the Palestinians are inherently brainless after they turned down former Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak's generous offer of a Palestinian state (comprising 95% of the West Bank and all of the Gaza Strip) with East Jerusalem as the capital now have another chance to change their opinion of Palestinian IQs. Yasser Arafat who is critically ill has decided to go to France (whom Global Daily Planet correspondent Jack Morrow astutely calls the "world's most useless country") for medical treatment. Personally I think the case for the inate stupidity of the Palestinian people has now been proved beyond a reasonable doubt.

Both Benjamin Creme (the spokesman for the Tara Center's New Age Messiah the Maitreya) and apostate evangelical heretic Tony Campolo have endorsed John Kerry for President. With a couple of satanic endorsements of Kerry's such as these, perhaps Bush is the lesser of two evils (but only by a couple of degrees!).

Former talk show host Bill Maher who hosted the ineptly named "Politically Incorrect" (namely because he himself is the apotheosis of political correctness) will probably be put in charge of Global Homeland Security should the Antichrist emerge and take power sometime in the next 20 years. In a recent interview, Maher referred to Christians as people who carry an imaginary friend with them from childhood into adulthood. He said he refuses to put up with such people. That was the same opinion held by Soviet authorities when they put people in Soviet psychiatric hospitals for holding religious beliefs. It's nice that Maher has finally come out of the totalitarian closet and shown the world what his own Soviet-style beliefs are.

Russian police have arrested eight tolerant peace-loving Muslims in the Tyumen region of East Siberia. The group were planning to take Russian hostages in the region. The eight belong to the international Hizb al-Tahrir al-Islami (Islamic Liberation Party) a Muslim terrorist group that was founded back in 1953 in Jordan and the tolerant peace-loving freedom-loving Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Its founders were refugee Palestinian Muslim terrorists led by Sheikh Taquiuddin. Its aim is to establish a One World Government under a global Islamic caliphate. The movement is influenced by Wahhabi ideology, the religion practised by the scumbag House of Saud, Osama bin Laden and the nineteen 9/11 hijackers not to mention numerous Chechen separatist terrorist groups.

Sodomite Episcopalian Bishop Vicki Gene Robinson of New Hampshire, like his lord and master Lucifer, refuses to repent for his actions. The fruit from the Tree of the Serpent was responding to the recent recommendations of the Worldwide Anglican Communion's Eames Commission which recommended the satanic US Episcopal Church apologize for consecrating a sodomite bishop and called on the US Episcopalians and the heretical apostate Anglican Church of Canada to put a moratorium on sodomite ordinations, consecrations and church-sanctioned unions. There is very little chance however that these Apostles of the Spirit of Antichrist (whom Bishop Vicky swishingly calls the "Holy Spirit") will do that. In all likelihood, the Bible-believing Anglican Churches of Africa will just separate from their Hell-bound North American former brethren.

It was 125 years ago today that Thomas Edison first demonstrated his invention of the light bulb.

Now that the World Net Daily's Joseph Farah and former US Reform Presidential candidate Pat Buchanan have both wimped out and endorsed neo-Fascist George W. Bush for President of the United States, the Global Daily Planet would like to use this opportunity to formally endorse the US Constitution Party and its Presidential candidate Michael Peroutka. Bush is not the lesser of two evils--the choice between Republican and Democrat is a choice between two totalitarianisms-- one of the fascist and the other of the Communist variety. It's time for people to wake up and smell the coffee. America is no longer a Republic-- it is an Empire-- a Revised Roman Empire to boot where people die under mysterious circumstances (Vince Foster and Ron Brown under Bill "Scumbag" Clinton and Minnesota Senator Paul Wellstone under George W. Bush). Only the US Constitution Party and Michael Peroutka represents the true spirit of the US Constitution and the Biblically based-Judeo-Christian values that once made America great. It's time to roll back the back-door satanism that crept into America after the Luciferian Freemasonic majority Supreme Court made their decision on Roe vs. Wade back in 1973. Bush has done nothing in his four years in office to roll back the tides of abortion and fag rights that was forced upon America by decisions of the satanic judiciary. America has become Empire. Why did it become Empire? Because it became a democracy allowing every airhead and nutcase the possibility of voting which paved the way for the tyranny of today. I agree with WND columnist Vox Day--only property owning males over a certain age (let's say 40) should be allowed to vote. And take away the vote from women in particular. They make good mothers and good wives but their judgement when it comes to politics and world affairs is pure rubbish. Get them out of the voting booths and back into the kitchen and bedroom where they belong!

Two foreign endorsements in the US Presidential election today. Palestinian Authority terrorist leader Yasser Arafat has endorsed John Forbes Kerry for US President. And Russian President Vladimir Putin has endorsed US President George W. Bush.

The US Conference of Catholic Bishops has endorsed the pro-abortion pro-sodomite John Forbes Kerry as its preferred candidate for President of the United States of America. This on the same day that a theologian in the Vatican Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, the Rev. Basil Cole has ruled (in answer to a question from traditionalist Catholic Los Angeles attorney Marc Balestrieri on the subject) that any Catholic politician who supports abortion rights has automatically de facto excommunicated themselves from the Catholic Church. This type of excommunication called latae sententiae means that it occurs automatically and does not require a formal pronouncement of excommunication by any Church official. This then would mean that both Senator Kerry and fat slob neo-Communist Senator Teddy Kennedy of Massachusetts are both automatically excommunicated from the Catholic Church. By Church canon law, an excommunicated Catholic may not receive any of the Sacraments of the Church including the Eucharist, marriage or even Christian burial. Thus in one of the great ironies of history, the US Conference of Catholic Bishops has endorsed an excommunicated Roman Catholic to be the Presidential candidate of their choice.

It was 26 years today that Karol Josef Wojtyla was elected Pope and took the name John Paul II. Meanwhile Pope John Paul II and his staunch admirer the supremely idiotic televangelist Jack Van Impe continue to insist that Islam is a religion of peace. Over in Iraq today, tolerant peace-loving Muslims heralded the start of their unholy month of Ramadan by setting off bombs at five different Christian churches in Baghdad the Iraqi capital. However Pope John Paul II and Jack Van Impe say that Islam is a "Religion of Peace" and both are "honourable men" as Belfast's Ian Paisley playing the part of a Shakespearian Mark Anthony might put it. How things have changed in almost 550 years. Back in April, 1455 when Pope Calixtus III took the papal throne, he said in his first message urbi et orbi to the City and the World that Constantinople (which had fallen to the infidel Turks two years previous in 1453) must be freed "from the grasp of the Devil's son, Mohammed" and the Church should undertake the task of liberating the East from "the diabolical sect of the infernal and perfidious Mohammed". It's been a long time since the world has heard words like that spoken in the Vatican or from the evangelical church pulpit.

The fascist Socialist government of Germany is busy doing its part to help bring in the totalitarian New World Order. Adolf's successors of the 21st Century have brought in legislation that will make it compulsory for all home PCs (personal computers) and mobile cell phones to be registered with the German government. An earlier Reich (the Third one) back in the 1930s made it compulsory for all typewriters to be registered. German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder is following in the goosesteps of an earlier Fuehrer.

It turns out those wild, crazy, drunken leperchauns were right after all. A pot of gold has been found at the end of the rainbow. Gold has been discovered in County Tyrone, northern Ireland. It is believed that up to a million ounces of the stuff is to be found in one particular seam alone.

Today on the 697th Anniversary of King Philip the Fair (King Philip IV of France)'s attack on the Knights Templar, two modern day Templars (better known as Skull and Bonesmen), George W. Bush and John Forbes Kerry face off against one another in the US Presidential Debates. One (Bush) favours state control through Fascism and the other (Kerry) favours state control through Communism. The original charges King Philip the Fair and Pope Clement V brought against the Templars were 1) heresy and blasphemy 2) spitting and trampling on the Cross 3) promotion of sodomy and homosexual relations and 4) secret worship of the Baphomet figure. Well, that certainly describes Bush and Kerry to a tee.

The last of the US Presidential debates will be held tomorrow between neo-Fascist George W. Bush and neo-Communist John Forbes Kerry.

Robin: Unholy Kryptonite, Batman! Superman (Christopher Reeve) is dead of a heart attack at age 52.

Batman: Yes Robin, God rest his soul. He's finally able to fly again after having had that tragic horse riding accident nine years ago.

Robin: So Batman, even we superheroes are mortal after all.

Batman: I'm afraid so, Robin. Superheroes can't come back from the dead. We can only do that some day through the help of the Saviour who died for us all. The Saviour who Himself rose from the dead.

Robin: Holy Son of God, Batman!

Batman: You said it Robin. Amen!

This past Friday night, Jacques Derrida the founder of the philosophies of Deconstructionism and Postmodernism kicked the bucket in a Paris hospital. He was 74. Monsieur Derrida has now undoubtedly discovered that his theories were wrong. Deconstructionism and Postmodernism are both illogical and irrational philosophies which was why they caught the imagination of the pot-smoking Baby Boom generation who are not given much to rational or logical thought. Naturally such an irrational and illogical individual was a Frenchman. It was idiots like Derrida with their popular following in American universities and theological seminaries that led historian George Milner to call the last 40 years of the 20th Century the Age of Irrationality. At this point in time the Age of Irrationality is continuing into the 21st Century.

Some good news on the world scene for a change. Australia's courageous Prime Minister John Howard has been elected to a fourth term in office. Despite a recent Muslim terrorist bombing at the Australian Embassy in Indonesia, the Australians showed that, unlike the Spanish electorate, they are no sissy pushovers. And Australia's Prime Minister Howard is not a limp-wristed pansy or Lucifer worshipper thereby differing greatly from his British Commonwealth counterparts in Canada and New Zealand. Mister Howard is not afraid to go and kick Muslim butt when the need arises. He is also a staunch opponent of sodomite marriage. The world could use more political leaders like John Howard. A lot more.

British hostage Kenneth Bigley has been murdered by Muslim terrorists in Iraq. The Religion of Peace (according to George W. Bush) kills again.

Three explosions at Egyptian Red Sea resorts near the border with Israel have killed at least 30 people and injured more than 160 others. The main explosion happened at the Hilton Hotel in the town of Taba on the Sinai Peninsula just across the border from the Israeli Red Sea resort of Eilat. Israeli media report that 10 floors of the Taba Hilton Hotel have collapsed trapping many people. Two other explosions occurred in nearby towns. The Egyptian authorities say there is no evidence of terrorism which should give you some idea of how stupid the Egyptian authorities are. Taba is the main crossing point between Israel and Egypt and it's believed most of the dead and injured are Israeli holidaymakers celebrating the last day of a Jewish holiday, Sukkot. The Global Daily Planet feels that it's probably a safe bet to say that the people behind the attacks were tolerant peace-loving Muslim terrorists.

The Royal Bank of Canada is showing itself to be the Royal Bank of Antichrist by directing its employees to display the sodomite movement's rainbow triangle in the workplace. The Nazi sodomite Royal Bank is urging its employees to display the fag-friendly rainbow-coloured triangle sticker on their desks, cubicles or offices. The Goebbels Bank of Sodomite Propaganda claims that displaying the sticker is strictly voluntarily but that's just a load of what sodomites enjoy sending through the mail to people they don't like. Fags and dykes are for the most part the most intolerant and totalitarian despotically inclined scumbags on the face of the earth and so are most of their supporters. Bible-believing Christians and Jews would do well to pull their money out of this modern-day Bank of Sodom and Gomorrah before it turns to ash.

The first and only round of US Vice-Presidential Debates is being held tonight between neo-Communist John Forbes Kerry's running mate John Edwards and Mr. Halliburton Corporation himself, neo-Fascist Vice-President Dick Cheney. Many in the news media are dubbing the debate "Darth Vader vs. Pretty Boy". Hm. Interesting title. I wonder what sodomite journalist with bad taste has a crush on Dick Cheney?

Actress Janet Leigh has died at the age of 77 at her home in Beverly Hills, California. She died of natural causes. Leigh was best known for her role in the 1960 Alfred Hitchcock thriller, Psycho where she played a woman who was murdered in the shower by a cross-dressing Norman Bates (played by Anthony Perkins). Global Daily Planet correspondent Jack Morrow once said that after seeing that particular scene, he's been afraid to murder a woman in the shower ever since. For all you single women out there, Jack also wants you to know that he still hasn't lined up a date for next Saturday night (or any other night of the week for that matter).

Today Pope John Paul II beatified the Emperor Charles the last Emperor of the Austro-Hungarian Empire who ruled from 1916-1918. Emperor Charles I tried to peacefully end the First World War but was rebuffed by the French. Charles also warned the pompous arrogant Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany not to send Lenin back to Russia predicting that most of Central and Eastern Europe including the Kaiser's native kingdom of Prussia would fall under Communist rule if the Kaiser went ahead with such a ghastly idea. Wilhelm did not listen and the rest as they say is history. John Paul II also beatified Anne Catherine Emmerich a 19th Century German nun whose visions of the last 12 Hours of Christ's Life inspired Mel Gibson's film, The Passion of The Christ. During the ceremony John Paul said that he hoped the Emperor Charles would serve as an example for those with political responsibilities in Europe today. Seeing as how this is probably the last beatification ceremony John Paul will preside over in his lifetime, he no doubt would like to see a future Holy Roman Emperor arise.

During the US Presidential debates in Florida last week, neo-Communist Presidential candidate John Forbes Kerry said that a Kerry Administration would sell nuclear fuel to the Islamic Republic of Iran because the Iranian nuclear program is for peaceful purposes only according to Comrade Kerry. Today (just two days after Comrade Kerry's asinine announcement), the despotic Muslim theocratic dictator of Iran, the satanic Ayatollah Ali Khameini urged Iran's nuclear scientists to have at least two atomic bombs made by next January or he would not consider them good Muslims.

Mount Saint Helens made a brief volcanic eruption today. This is what comes from Al Gore feeding Mother Earth pork and beans.