Global Daily Planet

The Vatican has released a document condemning radical feminism. It appears that Pope John Paul II before he departs this life is telling off all the obnoxious lesbian blowhards and feminazi hags who have deprived everyone of joy for the past half century (particularly those of us who enjoy looking at women while they're wearing skirts!). Sadly the next Pope will probably be one who approves of radical feminist nonsense. The next Pope will probably be one who bears the imprimatur and nihil obstat seal of approval of Stalinist hag Hillary Rodham, Trotskyite windbag John Forbes Kerry, fat slob Maoist-Leninist Teddy Kennedy and Luciferian New Ager and crook Paul Martin.

The Bush Administration in Washington DC is apparently crapping its pants at the possibility that Israel may launch a strike on Iran's nuclear facilities next month. Israel is currently holding practice military exercises to prepare for the strike which has apparently upset US officials. The US government has become so gutless in its dealings with the jihadi nations of the Muslim world lately that one could easily mistake them for Europeans.

The government of Russian President Vladimir Putin will take over the bankrupt Russian oil company Yukos (which used to belong to Russian billionaire oligarch Mikhail Khodorkovsky who's now sitting in a Moscow jail) itself in an effort to prevent the Russian oil industry from falling under the control of foreigners. Meanwhile in other news, songstress Britney Spears (a young woman in need of a good spanking if there ever was one) who claimed to have become a born-again Christian earlier this year has now decided she wants a Kabbalistic wedding when she hitches up with the latest degenerate nerd that she's fallen for.

Scientist Francis Crick, who discovered the double helix shape of DNA along with James Watson at Cambridge University in 1953,  has died of colon cancer at the age of 88.

 
Meanwhile in other news, Trotskyite Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts has accepted the Presidential nomination at the neo-Communist Democratic Party Convention in Boston, Massachusetts.  In his speech tonight, Kerry said he wouldn't rule out military intervention in the world if he was President of the USA.  Of course he wouldn't.  The only way Kerry can hope to establish a United States of the World is through military intervention.  Back in the 1930s, Leon Trotsky said two things must happen before a One World Communist government can be put in place.  The first is there must be a United States of Europe (that's already happened in today's European Union) and then there must be a United States of the World.  That's what Kerry will impose through his military interventions.  And no doubt the left-wing Hollywood airhead crowd who so opposed Bush's military interventions in Afghanistan and Iraq will cheer Kerry's military interventions (as they did Stalinist Bill's bombing of Serb civilians in Belgrade back in 1999) since he's building the Marxist-Leninist-Trotskyite-Gramscian borderless global utopia that John Lennon had such wet dreams about in his song, Imagine.

A Muslim terrorist suicide bomber in Iraq blew himself up in a vehicle outside a police station in a large market square in Baquba just north of Baghdad killing 68 people and injuring over 30 others.

 
Meanwhile in Boston, Massachusetts at the neo-Communist Democratic Presidential Convention, Trotskyite Senator John Edwards of North Carolina gave a speech tonight praising Trotskyite Senator John Kerry of Masssachusetts to the hilt.  Later in the evening the nuts, fruits and freaks who make up today's US Democratic Party nominated loudmouth Teresa Heinz' s husband as their Presidential candidate.

It was 5 years ago today that Doctor Malachi Martin (a priest who left the Jesuit order back in 1964 because of the Order's  inherent corruption and lack of belief in Jesus Christ as God the Son Incarnate) passed away in New York City.  Doctor Martin wrote many books including Hostage To The Devil, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Church, Vatican, Windswept House and The Keys Of This Blood.   It was his opinion that the Devil was fully in control of the Roman Catholic Church.  He died before he could write a book showing why he believed that to be the case.  The book was to be called Primacy: How The Institutional Roman Catholic Church Became A Creature of the New World Order.  Meanwhile pompous and arrogant airheads (let's call one George Mealey!) continue to join the Roman Catholic Church despite the warnings of a true scholar like Doctor Martin.

Mustafa Osman Ismail the Muslim terrorist Foreign Minister of the Sudan said his country's troops would attack any foreign troops who are called in to rescue the black Christians and animists of the Darfur region of Sudan who are being raped, killed and pillaged by Muslim terrorist Arab militias who are secretly supported by the Muslim terrorist government of Sudan in Khartoum.   Of course we all know how Muslim armies fare against the armies of the superior Western world, something that drove that camel dung licker Osama bin Laden into a huge pout.  After the Muslim terrorists like the scumbag and camel humper Mustafa Osman Ismail have been driven out of power in Khartoum, they can be given a fair trial, found guilty and then lined up against the wall and shot by firing squad.  See if their pagan moon god Allah whose invisible ass they kiss when they prostrate themselves on the ground towards Mecca will save them.

Meanwhile in other news, fat slob neo-Communist Teddy Kennedy, the whale who went off the bridge at Chappaquiddick and lived, delivered a speech tonight at the Presidential Convention of the neo-Communist US Democratic Party in Boston, Massachusetts.  The fattest and least likable of the original Kennedy boys received a hero's welcome from the crowd of nuts, fruits and freaks who constitute today's Democratic Party.   Harry Truman would have thought he had died and gone to Hell if he had chanced to walk the floor of that convention. 

In the news today, Muslim terrorists in Iraq were starting to suffer from low public approval ratings on the al-Jazeera network in the Arab world as a result of their having kidnapped an Egyptian diplomat so (surprise!) they've released the Egyptian diplomat.  Meanwhile in Boston, Massachusetts, the neo-Communist Democratic Party is holding its Presidential convention.  The convention is loaded with nuts, fruits, black con men and shakedown artists as well as numerous uglo-American lesbian blowhards and feminazi hags.  Leading the list of speakers tonight was former US President Jimmy Carter (aka Saint Jimmy)  a man who's good at building houses for Habitat For Humanity but who acted the role of Neville Chamberlain when it came to dealings with the Ayatollah Khomeini, the Soviet Union and North Korea not to mention the fact that his own party was eventually taken over by neo-Communists.   Al Bore the former Vice-President and everpresent tree-hugging Mother Earth worshipper bored television audiences to death with his speech.  The Stalinist comedy duo of Hillary and Bill also gave speeches tonight in which Stalinist Bill urged Americans to vote for Trotskyite Kerry (Josef the original Stalinist was rolling over on his spit down below when he heard news of the speech).  Fat slob neo-Communist Teddy Kennedy the well-known drunk and ladykiller (quite literally in Mary-Jo's case) waddled around the convention floor like a displaced whale from Boston Harbour.  Fat stupid white man Michael Moore was there trying to raise the temperature of the convention floor to Fahrenheit 9/11.   The only joy to behold at the Democratic convention was sighting the short-skirted conservative woman columnist Ann Coulter.

With regard to the story below, the Global Daily Planet editor has been informed by his resident Jewish authority, Rabbi Ruben the Sandwich Maker that the Ninth of Av this year will fall on July 27th, 2004 (5764 in the Hebrew calendar).  Interestingly enough, that will be the 5th Anniversary of the mysterious death of Doctor Malachi Martin in New York City.   The late Jesuit priest was highly critical of attempts by 3 different players, the Soviet Communist Party, Western capitalists and a powerful echelon in the Vatican surrounding Pope John Paul II to create a New World Order or One World Government in the 21st Century.  As one of the anthems of the drug culture, that popular 1970s New Age recording of that poem of medieval pantheistic nonsense Desiderata put it, "No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

Israel's Public Security Minister said today that Israeli security forces believe that some Jewish settler groups from Gaza are plotting to blow up the mosques on the Jerusalem Temple Mount in order to start a war between Israel and the Muslim world in hopes that this will stop Ariel Sharon's evacuation of Jewish settlements in the Gaza strip.   The month of August is approaching.  The month of August which has the ancient Hebrew lunar calendar date of the Ninth of Av.  The First Temple was destroyed on the Ninth of Av 586 BC.  The Second Temple was destroyed on the Ninth of Av 70 AD.  Will the way for the building of the Third Temple be paved by some action on the Ninth of Av 2004 AD?  The month of August is also when the dog star Sirius is most prominent.  Will the dogs of war be released again this August?  Perhaps this is the time to "Cry havoc." 

Despite the massive rebellion against the Palestinian Authority that's taking place in the Gaza Strip, Yasser Arafat says that he's not facing a crisis.  The opinion of the ghost of the late Doctor Sigmund Freud?  Yasser Arafat has lost his marbles.

Muslim terrorists in Iraq have now kidnapped an Egyptian diplomat and are demanding that Egypt reconsider its offer to help the new Iraqi government with security.

At least 36 people have been killed in a tragic train crash on the Istanbul to Ankara line in northwest Turkey.  The crash happened when a newly introduced high-speed train came off the tracks on the line.

British Prime Minister Tony Blair and United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan both announced today that something should really be done about the Arab Muslims of the northern Sudan slaughtering, raping and enslaving the black Christians and animists of the Sudanese south.  Gee, I wonder what finally clued those two clowns in?

In the last century, it was Adolf Hitler.  In this century, it's the Communist New Age United Nations who are the Holocaust lovers and love to see Jews killed.  Earlier today, the General Assembly of the United Nations voted 150 to 6 (with 10 cowardly countries abstaining) to condemn Israel for building its West Bank security wall.  It's never dawned on the vast majority of UN members that the reason Israel is building a security wall is because Palestinian Muslim terrorist scumbags insist on crossing over into Israel and blowing up Jews.  Meanwhile on a happier note, it was 35 years today that Apollo 11 landed on the moon.  At the time it was said, "That's one small step for man.  One giant leap for mankind."  It may have been a giant leap technologically speaking but in terms of actual improvement of humanity, with the UN and the courts of the world approving of the satanic practices of abortion and sodomy and condemning the right of Jews to defend themselves from people who want to kill them, the past 35 years have been a billion giant leaps backward in terms of the morality of mankind.

The Global Daily Planet has heard from various sources that while the United Nations dillies and dallies and tries to decide what to do next, Israel plans to attack Iran's nuclear facilities sometime within the next month for the sole purpose of totally destroying them.

The Global Daily Planet would like to make a correction to a story it ran yesterday.  It turns out that  Musa Arafat the new head of the newly merged Palestinian Authority public security service is not the corrupt nephew of the corrupt and senile Yasser Arafat.    Instead it turns out that Musa Arafat is the corrupt cousin of the corrupt and senile Yasser Arafat.  We apologize for any inconvenience that may have been caused in not identifying the proper nepotistic relationship between the two hooligans. 

The Palestinian Authority is tinkering on the verge of collapse.  Hip!  Hip!  Hooray!  The crisis was caused by a spate of kidnappings in the anarchic Gaza Strip by the revolting Muslim fanatics who live there.  Numerous PA officials including Gaza's police chief as well as numerous foreign aid workers were among the hostages taken by the revolting Palestinian Muslim fanatics.  Palestinian Authority Prime Minister Ahmed Qurei blamed the corrupt and senile Yasser Arafat for the crisis before resigning as Prime Minister.  The reaction of the corrupt and senile Mr. Arafat was to merge three Palestinian intelligence and security services into one and name his corrupt nephew Musa Arafat as the new head of the newly merged public security service.  Hopefully we are now witnessing the final days of Yasser Arafat.  It's time to put Mr. Arafat on the very bottom of the dunghill of history where he belongs and move on.

The normally effecient Blogger site owned by the normally effecient Google has been undergoing maintenance the past few days and so that is why the Global Daily Planet has been unable to publish until now.  Just one brief comment from the editor of the Global Daily Planet on the recent Time Magazine cover story on the Kerry-Edwards ticket.  It was 80 years ago this year that Lenin kicked the bucket.  His departure to that great furnace down below set the stage for conflict between Leon Trotsky and Josef Stalin as to who would be the next totalitarian ruler of the new Soviet Union.  Stalin of course won out over Trotsky.  Now 80 years later as the new USSA (Union of Soviet Socialist America) is being formed, it looks like with Kerry's naming of Edwards as his Vice-Presidential running mate that Trotskyism will beat Stalinism this time.  The Trotskyite duo of Kerry and Edwards is starting to emerge as the new powerhouse in the neo-Communist US Democratic Party supplanting the Stalinist duo of Hillary Rodham and her wayward husband Bill.
 
Meanwhile I'd like to wish all my Russian friends a happy Saint Vladimir's Day!

Palestinian Muslim terrorists exploded a bomb near a bus stop in downtown Tel Aviv yesterday that killed one person and injured 20 others. Meanwhile Kofi Annan the Communist Secretary-General of the Communist New Age United Nations called on Israel to tear down its security wall as ordered by the Antichrist International Court of Justice in the Hague, Netherlands (Presumably so even more Palestinian Muslim terrorists will be able to enter Israel!).

Pope John Paul II has decided to return the 300-year-old Russian icon of Our Lady of Kazan to Russia (it is the right eye of the Madonna in this particular icon that Mel Gibson uses as the symbol for his film company, Icon Productions). The icon of Our Lady of Kazan vanished from a Russian monastery during the turbulent period of the Bolshevik Revolution in 1917. Years later it was bought by a wealthy collector of icons who had the painting analysed by experts who verified that it was the original icon of Our Lady of Kazan. The icon was then given as a gift to Pope John Paul II twenty years ago. The pontiff kept the painting in his private chapel. John Paul had always hoped to return the icon to Russia in person. However Patriarch Alexis II of Moscow has made it perfectly clear that the Pope is not welcome in Russia anytime soon. Therefore John Paul will give the icon to a Vatican delegation who will be visiting Russia next month. Why is John Paul giving the icon back to Russia now when it's always been the pontiff's lifelong dream to visit Russia in person? The Global Daily Planet suspects that John Paul believes this is the last year of his life and that he would like to see the icon returned to Russia within his lifetime even though he will not be able to give back the icon himself.

South Korean President Roh Moo-Hyun is planning to move the South Korean capital from its current location of Seoul. Coincidentally two rural towns in South Chungcheong Province, Yongi and Kongju, who voted overwhelmingly for President Roh in the last Presidential election, are the places being shortlisted to become the new capital. President Roh's plan has mounting opposition from the South Korean people. And what does the Global Daily Planet have to say about President Roh's plan to move the South Korean capital from the great world-class city of Seoul (which IS the Korean word for "capital")? Quite bluntly it stinks.

The Antichrist International Court of Justice in the Hague, Netherlands has ruled that Israel's security wall (which the Israelis are building to protect themselves from Palestinian Muslim terrorists) is illegal. The judicial decision made by people who don't have to live next door to Muslim terrorists is unenforcable. Israel has already said it will ignore the acenine decision. Expect liberals and leftists who have replaced Nazis as the anti-Semites of the 21st Century to fume and holler and denounce Israel.

Canada's New Age Luciferian Prime Minister Paul Martin came into power by convincing the senile pre-geriatric and post-geriatric Alzheimer's infected population of Toronto, Ontario (who voted the bastard in!) that he would deliver on a promise to deliver more open, more accountable and more democratic government in the country. So the first thing the closet satanist did on coming to power was to go down to a top-secret (closed to the media and closed to the public) conference held out of the country in Sun Valley, Idaho. The conference is sponsored by the US-based Allen and Company Investment Management Associates and is believed to be crawling with globlalist Bilderberger types plotting the Antichrist New World Order. Sun Valley, Idaho is the place where Neo-Communist Presidential candidate Senator John Forbes Kerry cursed out one of his secret service agents for getting in the way while he was snowboarding earlier this year. Sun Valley is also the place where the Sabbatian satanist Kerry blasphemously took Holy Communion in a local Roman Catholic Church (Our Lady Of The Snows) after alerting the world media beforehand so they'd be present in the church to photograph the desecration. The multimillionaire Marxist Kerry also has one of his multimillion dollar homes in the Sun Valley area. It looks like Sun Valley with its Martin and Kerry connection may turn out to be the birthplace of the satanic New North American Order.

After pressure from Pope John Paul II, the previously wishy washy on the issue Vatican Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger has sent a private memorandum to US bishops telling them to deny Communion to Catholic politicians who support legalized abortion. While never mentioning Senator John Kerry by name, the memo implicitly aims at the so-called "pro-choice" apostate Catholic Massachusetts Senator and Presidential candidate. The memo of course would include other pro-abortion Catholic politicians such as fat slob neo-Communist Teddy Kennedy and Congressional airhead Rep. Nancy Pelosi.

As the Global Daily Planet predicted last night, Neo-Communist Senator John Forbes Kerry of Massachusetts has named Bilderberger approved Senator John Edwards of North Carolina as his Vice-Presidential running mate. Mr. Edwards is a multimillionaire trial lawyer who has served only one term in the US Senate. He ran against Mr. Kerry in the US Democratic Presidential primaries earlier this year. Mr. Kerry made the announcement of his choice of running mate in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Neo-Communist John Forbes Kerry is expected to name his Vice-Presidential running mate shortly. It probably won't be Stalinist feminazi hag Senator Hillary Rodham of New York (unless John Kerry has a suicidal wish to be done in the same way some ancient Roman Emperors were!). In all likelihood, it will probably be North Carolina Senator John Edwards who also received the Antichrist Bilderbergers' seal of approval at the annual globalist Bilderberger meeting that was held in Europe early last month. Canada's New Age Luciferian Marxist Prime Minister Paul Martin is expected to be eagerly looking forward to the advent of a Kerry-Edwards Administration so both governments can happily wreck the North American continent together.

At today's Euro 2004 Final in the Portuguese capital of Lisbon, Greece (the birthplace of Western Civilization) defeated Portugal 1-0. There is much celebration in Greece tonight. 2004 is turning out to be a memorable year for the Greeks as they have won the Euro 2004 Cup European Soccer Football Championships and next month they host the Olympic Games in Athens.

Breaking news...this just in... a 17-year-old Russian girl, Maria Sharapova, has defeated defending champion Serena Williams in this year's Wimbledon Ladies' Tennis Final. Miss Sharapova, a Siberian girl who trains in Florida, has become the first Russian woman to win the Wimbledon title.

Actor Marlon Brando has died at the age of 80. His best known films included A Streetcar Named Desire, On The Waterfront, Julius Caesar and The Godfather.

Greece (the birthplace of Western Civilization) has defeated the Czech Republic (another civilized country and the home of the glorious and peaceful Velvet Revolution in Prague's Wencelas Square during that glorious autumn of 1989) 1-0 in today's Euro 2004 semi-finals in Lisbon. Two great countries! Too bad one had to lose! (Unlike France and Germany where good people everywhere rejoice over seeing such obnoxious jerks eliminated from the tournament!). Greece will now face Portugal in Sunday's final. So this Euro 2004 tournament began with a game between Greece and Portugal and it shall end with a game between Greece and Portugal.